she just wanted to feel something more.
was this how everyone else reacted to their worlds?
like the man quickly typing on his laptop,
allowing his coffee to grow cold.
what was he writing?
was it meaningful to him?
did it complete him, fulfill his life?
or the woman talking animatedly to another,
in between peals of laughter.
how expressive she was with her hands,
and how her eyes lit up with each word spoken.
it didn’t seem as if she felt numb.
she certainly didn’t appear to be living in an emotional fog.
oh, how she wanted to jump up and fling her arms in the air,
and scream at the top of her lungs!
but then what?
how would she follow up such an act?
just sit back down and calmly sip her cappuccino?
yet she was silently screaming inside.
and perhaps it was just as damaging as yelling out loud.
walking the path to disintegration . . .
it wasn’t what she’d thought or imagined it would be like.
this slow destruction of her existence.
apparently no one else could see how truly distressed she was.
maybe it would be better if they did.
a kind word, a compassionate glance.
but no – she’d worked hard to conceal the truth.
to present an altered reality through her outward appearance.
it was difficult though.
and it hurt.
and she felt so very, very alone.
tired, deflated, uncertain, fearful.
which way was out?
how could she climb back up and escape?
when would she feel strong enough to take her first step forward?
walking the path to integrated wellness . . .
it was a good sign that she was thinking about this, right?
she must not be giving up if she was contemplating her future.
if she realized the abyss that she was in,
it was an indication that she craved a better tomorrow.
she knew she needed to fight her way back.
she wanted the struggle to come to an end.
consistency, not chaos.
clarity, not confusion.
walking the path was crucial.
energized, lively, hopeful, bold.
everything in life was a choice.
she chose to begin her transformational journey.
to begin walking the path.
this story is familiar to me.
i have been in her shoes.
maybe you see yourself as well?
walking the path . . .
i invite your comments.
There was a time when I was this woman, and if it wasn’t for the awe-inspiring journey I’ve been on for the last 7 years into greater consciousness I would’ve most definitely disintegrated. I think this is way more prevent amongst women than most people even realize. Thank you for sharing this. It’s not exactly a walk in the park, but I feel grateful to have chosen path of transformation.
thank you so much for sharing your personal story, emily. hooray for being bold and choosing transformation – you are an inspiring testament!
Love this April! I’m walking with you:)
great, tess! we are on this bold journey together. 🙂
In today’s world it is so easy to watch other people’s “highlights reel” and think that somehow their life is easier. Ultimately, happiness comes from finding your own path and having the courage to walk it.
yes, laura – i’m so glad you brought up this point. we often see only the “best” that other people choose to share (and we can be bombarded with it in social media). walking a true and intrepid path is essential.
I am this woman. I’ve even written about it – long diary entries. I understand the feeling of being alone, putting on a front, and of the recognition of the feelings I have as being a form of success. Now it’s time to climb out of the abyss. Thank you so much for writing something that speaks so deeply into my soul. It’s wonderful to know that I’m not alone, and that there are others who have seen this dark night. Hugs x
cynthia – i appreciate that you shared your own experience. i am sorry to hear of your personal struggle, but glad that you realize you are not alone. yes, this is the time to climb out of the abyss! will you have support along the way? please feel free to contact me if you’d like.
Most of my adulthood I felt like I was living in a daze. With no one to guide me, because like me, they too were in a daze. Just surviving day to day. Now, I know that anyone is capable of writing their own journey. And each morning when I wake up, I make the conscious choice to write my journey.
Thanks for this Post April!
beautifully stated, denise. and you’re right – sometimes we don’t know that it CAN be different. we haven’t been shown the way. i am glad you have chosen to write your own journey. thank you for commenting.