this post started out with the illustrious title:
7 ways to ensure a feeling-good mood.
and #1 on my list was “smile at people.”
but then i realized it deserved a post all its own.
let me tell you why.
the background
six years ago, for three years straight, twice a week,
circumstances found me at green lake.
a lovely little community in seattle.
with a small body of water in its midst.
and, around the perimeter of the lake,
a walking/running/biking path.
[there are lots of beautiful photos of green lake. unfortunately this isn’t one of them. but that’s my son nicholas, several years ago, remotely driving his self-designed lego land yacht.]
i would walk around the lake for an hour.
enjoying the scenery,
watching the people,
getting my exercise.
as an avid analyzer of human nature,
i started noticing subtle differences
in the way people on the path conducted themselves.
some were there for a serious workout.
others were there to converse with companions.
still others were there to delight in nature.
the experiment
one day i decided to conduct an informal study.
to determine how friendly a city seattle was,
based on this small green lake sample.
it was a simple setup.
i would look directly in the eyes of each person that i passed.
and smile at them.
the results
the results were interesting.
some would immediately smile back, even say “hi.”
several actually seemed startled at first,
as if they didn’t know how to respond.
and then about 50% of these would smile back tentatively.
others were too focused on what they were doing
to even notice me.
a few flat out ignored me and stared back suspiciously.
(and men were more likely to smile than women.)
of course, this was obviously not a scientific study.
and i’m no researcher.
(although i did keep stats which i can’t locate now.)
so i am still left pondering the reactions of the participants.
the implications
who knows what influence i may have had on these people?
were any of them perhaps in a dark place that day?
did they feel uplifted by another human being’s kind gesture?
what green lake ripple effect did i instigate?
did these people feel encouraged by my overture?
enough to smile at the next person that they passed?
i don’t know.
i’ll never know.
i do know how i felt though.
i felt happy.
it was impossible not to,
with all the smiling i was doing.
and, when someone smiled back,
the connection between us literally made my day.
i not only felt happy.
i felt enthused about living.
i felt more energetic and purposeful.
as if i indeed held an important slot in the bigger context.
the takeaway
such an easy, uncomplicated path to well-being.
who will you smile at today?
how will you impact their lives?
and what personal benefits will you derive?
try the experiment.
give it a chance.
and let me know how it turns out.
Oh I love this April…sounds like an experiment I unconsciously practiced throughout my childhood! I remember walking the halls of my grade school and actively smiling – because I was genuinely happy with my life AND because I knew on a deep level that part of my purpose in this world was to spread that smile with others! This probably explains a lot about my path as an actress turned Mind Body Soul coach ;).
what wonderful insight, sabrina. and i love the image of you skipping through your grade school with a big smile on your face, ready to share happiness with everyone around you! 🙂
i love this! I think it also varies from place to place and from city to rural areas. Still, it’s a lovely thing to do 🙂 A friend of mine has taken it up a notch and honks her car and waves to random people in the street as she drives by! I love it! Not sure if I’m at that stage, but smiling- certainly 🙂
yes, farah – i think you’re absolutely right about geographical area. i’ve noticed big differences within cities and towns when i’ve traveled. i think that’s so cute how your friend honks and waves! 🙂
I absolutely love this experiment! I especially love that part you talk about influence, saying you might have had an influence, you might have and you will never know.
Quite profound to realize that, in the end lets just be us and try to live the purpose we were meant too.
we never truly know the impact we may have on people, do we yasmine? a sobering thought when i recall times i wasn’t my best in communication with others. on the other hand, it can be so easy to leave a positive message with others (as easy as a smile).
This is lovely! I’ve always loved the lyric by CSN “If you smile at me I will understand, cause it is something everybody everywhere does in the same language.”
I am definitely going to try this experiment in my life!
what a beautiful sentiment, emily – thanks for sharing it here. and let me know how your personal experiment goes!
A lovely post, and wonderfully inspiring. I work at home, and a few months ago I became a dog owner (adopting my Mom’s dog after she passed away). I now go out on walks 4 times a day, and I’m astounded by the community of other dog walkers in my neighborhood where I’ve lived for 15 years. Didn’t I ever go outside? Obviously not – I just drove through on my way to and from somewhere. But now I have lots of chances to smile at people and even stop and chat with people multiple times a day. It’s energizing for me, and brightens my days, and I’m sure it does the same for the other people I’ve met. A smile really is so simple, yet so powerful.
thank you, pam. first let me say that i am very sorry for your loss. i do so love your story of connecting with your neighborhood after 15 years! i agree – a smile is simple yet powerful.
This reminds of what we call “A southern state of mind.” I’m from the south and have personally never meet a stranger. I speak to almost everyone I encounter from the clerk at the store to the guy pumping gas next to me. I say hello to the folks I pass in the mall and generally smile at everyone.
I’ve traveled thought out most of the united states, and no not everyone in the country is as friendly as I like to think we southerners are as a group. New Hampshire and Washington seemed to be the least receptive to my generally friendly nature. However, I found that once I was introduced by someone to the locals in New Hampshire they were actually the most accommodating and open people I have ever come across. I was invited to stay in their homes, given special discounts in restaurants, and loaned outdoor equipment.
Something else I know for a fact. If you treat others like you want to be treated they treat was well or better.
i love that, fred – “a southern state of mind.” what a delightful way to grow up! i experienced that in my very small hometown as well, where everyone knew each other by name. yes, treating each other well is key.
Such a simple task, with such a powerful message and impact! Thanks so much for the reminder. Smiling…. 🙂
you’re welcome, karen. glad you’re smiling – and smiling back! 🙂
Oh, I love this post! And I love your style. It looks like an e.e. cummings poem. 🙂
My immediate thought is that I want you to do it several times in order to get a better sample. I know that when I’m at my best, I would’ve smiled back at you radiantly.
But sometimes I’m stressed the eff out! And I would’ve been one of those women that was too wrapped up in her own world to respond. I hope you would’ve caught me on one of my good days.
Or… I could just make more of an effort to make it a good day. I could be the experimenter instead of the object of the experiment. Today, I will experiment with smiles, no matter my mood.
Love it.
<3
sara
thank you so much for the sweet compliment, sara (especially since i’m a huge e.e. cummings fan). 🙂 and you are right – a bigger sample would definitely yield a more valid result. i certainly have days where it is hard to pry a smile out of me!
So smart to notice that the success of this experiment was how it made you feel. Much more satisfying to connect than protect and hold everything inside. My experiment is similar but geared toward shutting down judgment when the response isn’t a smile or a hi. I can make up all the stories I want about the unresponsive person, and I’ll never know the truth. And to your point, I’ll never know the impact my gesture had on them. So just do it.
good angle to notice, arthur. very important (but often difficult) to avoid letting another’s unhappy or indifferent mood affect our own. there could be a variety of reasons why someone does not smile back – again, something we’ll never know.