finding one’s individual VOICE is a crucial ingredient of the wellness recipe, and the crux of my seven essential elements.
we all know how vitally important it is to be listened to and understood. how we engage and interact and exist on a daily basis, how we survive in this big wide world, is shared primarily through our words. it is always a fine line – how much to reveal to others and how much to hold close. and sometimes we find it easier to stay hidden, to linger in dark places, afraid to speak up and speak out. because speaking up isn’t easy. we worry that it will leave us feeling vulnerable and frightened. every time we put ourselves out there, we take a chance that we may not be heard. we may even be ridiculed.
and yet having a voice is the process by which you integrate who you truly are with the way you present yourself to the world. and, more importantly, with the way you see yourself. it is part of the transformational journey of becoming acquainted with one’s own essence.
so what does it mean, to have a voice? does it mean to always speak up, no matter how uncomfortable you may feel? does it mean to be the loudest, to talk the longest, to forever have the last word? does it mean to always share your opinion, even when you haven’t carefully considered both sides?
no, no, and no.
i have some pretty strong opinions. and in the not-so-distant past, i’ve been known to let my emotions (specifically anger) cloud my judgment. whatever i happened to be thinking or feeling at the time would simply tumble out in a torrent of words. though i would often feel some personal relief, i would usually end up creating a bigger gap to bridge, alienating people even further from my point of view by steamrolling over theirs. i’m still working on this, and i probably will be forever. but in the last several years, i have learned (with much effort) to consciously rein things in, to (most times) think before i speak.
making sure your voice is heard isn’t a source of discomfort. it’s not a competition. it isn’t a debate. it means that, when you recognize the need to stand up for yourself, the fear or intimidation you might very well be experiencing does not stop you from doing so. it means knowing that what you think matters.
each of us has a voice. but we often fail to use it. personal storytelling is the act of connecting with another human being, of sharing our own unique perspective, of being heard without judgment. once you’ve noticed a look of interest from a friendly face, once you’ve savored a compassionate response from another human being, there is no turning back.
but having a voice does not mean you must be a social butterfly or the best public orator. in fact, having a voice doesn’t even necessarily mean talking out loud. everyone is different, and that’s what makes the world interesting. having a voice means somehow finding a way to communicate your story to someone else, your disappointments and your joys – no matter how introverted or extroverted you might be, no matter your abilities. having a voice means finally finding the answers to the questions you’ve been too afraid to ask. having a voice means embracing honesty, in yourself and with others.
my grandma came to america from italy at the tender age of 20 with a husband she barely knew in an arranged marriage. since she couldn’t even speak the language at first, she had no real voice (something i can completely identify with now). her daughter-in-law (my mom, and my first and best role model of a strong woman) was always encouraging my grandma to speak up for herself and her rights. and near the end of her life, my grandma took my mom’s advice. to my conventional and traditional italian grandpa’s amazement, she began speaking her mind. she shared her opinions. she finally had una voce. and it was magical.
do you allow yourself the chance to speak your truth? do you welcome your own anecdotes, narratives, and sagas? it is difficult at times to tell your story, to raise up your voice. you have to have a sense of what you’re all about, a sense of your emerging self.
as you continue to communicate, however, you begin unraveling exactly who you are, delving into the experiences that have shaped you and brought you to this very point. using your voice opens up doors that were formerly closed. you learn why you do the things you do, how you can change what’s not working, and even ways to fine-tune your potential. we are all entitled to this incredible opportunity.
how then do you find your voice, the crux, especially when it’s been silent for such a long time?
today . . . instead of a roar, begin with a whisper. but begin.
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