i had a conversation with a friend on tuesday about the grief journey, especially about how getting out and being with other people really helps. it definitely helped me that day, with her.
however, i do believe that the hibernation i’ve felt drawn to over the past couple of months, the chance to be truly alone with my thoughts and my feelings, has also served a purpose.
i’m taking very good care of myself, while still allowing and thoroughly experiencing all of my emotions. i don’t think i realized what the full impact of this final goodbye would be like, and that’s thrown me a bit off track. despite my age, the realization that i no longer have parents has hit me quite hard, and it will definitely take time to absorb and assimilate and adjust to this newness.
grief is complicated and confusing, cloudy and complex. it will never go away but, at some point, there will be healing. the stabs of the sharpest pains will ease one day.
and i’ve mentioned this before, but it continues to surprise me . . . i’ve become super/hyper AWARE since my dad’s death. strange because, at the same time that i’m noticing and thinking about everything, i’m also forgetting and fogging. (is “fogging” a word? if not, it should be. it’s definitely become a thing for me.)
so . . . what am i doing for self-care these days?
• spending time at home in comfy clothes, with wild hair and without makeup (villa magnolia feels like a fortress inside, with its mountain view that centers and grounds me, the perfect place for healing and renewal)
• talking and talking and talking with eric, usually over meals
• keeping in close touch with my sons in the states
• letting my thoughts wander, take shape, and create
• sharing my life on social media, constantly reminded how amazing it is to have friends all over the world
• coaching my clients via email more often than phone/skype for the interim, loving the different perspective and unique breakthroughs it provides
• nourishing my body according to what foods make sense for me (and when) by paying attention to my particular responses, more eating with the seasons (the ayurvedic and TCM/traditional chinese medicine way – easy to do in italy), oh and it turns out i’m apparently an “intermittent faster” (unintentionally, just-the-way-i’ve-always-eaten)
• dreaming and planning and scheming
• reading many books, mostly fiction but also literature on grief and mindfulness and TCM and self-discovery . . . expanding and enriching my mind and my existence
• splashing my face with cool water a couple of times a day
• cuddling with cats every single day
• drinking my daily apple cider vinegar water (sometimes with lemon and cayenne pepper too), this has STOPPED the nightly foot/leg cramps i’d been plagued with
• writing, writing, writing, writing, writing (very cathartic, not much suitable for sharing yet)
• breathing . . . inhaling deeply, exhaling slowly
• adjusting my schedule (when i can) to fit my sleep patterns
• focusing on positive outcomes, noting opportunities when they arise
• addressing possible candida issues and ongoing sinus concerns
• receiving occasional reflexology treatments from one of my besties
• trying to maintain “beginner’s mind” (that lovely concept from zen buddhism)
• practicing daily qigong – movement, meditation, massage
• gua sha scraping, jade rolling
• taking online courses (art therapy, italian, qigong, meditation, menopause), to challenge and grow, to learn and teach
• dancing and stretching, staying fully aware of my physical body, experimenting with new rhythms
• and yes, going out with good friends in italy – for coffee, tea, lunch, a walk
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