july 6 (rhythm realignment / day 1):
though it is still closed to americans (a decision i agree with even if it means i am unable to see my sons), italy is looking and feeling more unlocked every day. there are still cautionary measures in place, of course. we all know we are still living with covid-19. but the numbers continue to stay low, at the bottom of our curve. during the last 7 days, new daily cases averaged 186 and average daily deaths 18. italy is doing so much better and things generally feel more positive.
i’ve decided it’s time for me to focus once more on supreme-self-care (what i personally call zest). one year ago this week, my dad died. and i’ve felt pulled into an unending whirlwind of events ever since. while still grieving for my dad and my forever-place-of-belonging (something that’s made me feel more lost than i thought possible), i came down with shingles. then italy went into lockdown, as we faced a global pandemic. with a few other personal issues at play as well, i found myself falling out of sync with the daily rituals that sustain me. out of sync with everything, to be honest. i no longer had any energy. no oomph.
we’ve now passed the halfway mark of 2020, a year none of us ever imagined could and would have such a huge impact on our lives. i’d chosen RHYTHM as my word of the year. and wow, have i fallen short . . . i’ve never felt more out of rhythm! i’ve also been fighting depression, which i’ve struggled with at three other distinct periods in my life. i haven’t had to deal with it for a long while, and i certainly didn’t welcome its recent return.
i wrote these words by hal borland in my journal on march 7 >> “no winter lasts forever; no spring skips its turn.” i’m finally starting to experience that spring, that opening. (by the way, my name is rooted in the latin word aprilis derived from aperire meaning “to open” – aprire in italian)
so . . . it is time. time for me to recapture my energy. time to concentrate on healing and feeling whole again. time for me to realign with my rhythm.
and where were we three months ago?
april 3 (from my facebook post, lockdown in italy day 25):
i remember how carefree i felt that day! one year later, it just seems so odd
una passeggiata serale e poi cena a parma ❤️??❤️ (april 3, 2019)
april 4 (from my facebook post, lockdown in italy day 26):
today i have no words to offer
april 6 (from my facebook post, lockdown in italy day 28 / self-isolation day 50 – i haven’t left home once):
i have some very sad news to share today . . . my dad’s first cousin, my grandma’s niece, died of covid-19 in france saturday night. it was a very quick descent, as her symptoms first developed only three days earlier.
i didn’t personally know her, but i have met other members of the family – her sister (who is an amazingly sweet woman and who is currently in the same assisted living facility), and also the sister’s son (my second cousin) and his wife. my grandma’s brother had moved from italy to france as a young man, married a french woman, and settled down there.
please keep my entire french family in your thoughts.
(though i have a picture of us together in happier times – right after we’d called my dad in the states, and he and his cousin had had a delightfully animated conversation in both italian and french – i’m choosing to respect their privacy at this time.)
april 7 (from my facebook post, lockdown in italy day 29):
“is the pandemic over yet?”
