YOU KNOW WHAT?
being independent and authentic is hard.
it’s so much easier to go along with the crowd.
to get swept up in the momentum.
even when those assembled claim to be living outside the box.
to be rebellious thinkers.
to be revolutionary trailblazers.
at times the concept of group individuality seems like one big oxymoron to me.
i’m talking about when people gather together to shout out their uniqueness to the world.
and then end up agreeing with one another on almost everything.
do they ALL really think that way?!
some of them do.
some of them are naturally expressing their authentic selves.
but there are always a few who will conform just to fit in.
for fear of being left behind.
why is there so much similarity in behavior and response?
what happens that convinces people to jump in and join the club?
why does self-professed originality tend to disappear?
recently i had to make a difficult financial, intellectual, and emotional decision.
financial because it would involve a large investment.
intellectual because i had to use my brains to determine if it was best for me.
emotional because i had to wade through the conflicting feelings that were coming up.
especially as i contemplated being left out.
in the end, i made the right choice for me.
i processed the dichotomy between “i want to belong” and “i need this.”
i discussed it with my husband. a lot.
i pondered the different angles, the pros and cons.
i even cried a bit.
but, most importantly, i remembered who i was.
me. april.
not the woman sitting next to me or the man sharing his personal story.
i connected with my deepest essence.
and i made up my mind.
decisively.
and stuck with it.
at the precise moment that i said to myself “no this is not for me,”
i felt a sense of calm and all-is-right-with-the-world-ness.
i happened to be brushing my teeth when the realization came.
i was just about to leave for the event where i would reveal my dissent.
and i was given a silly little sign.
a you-did-the-right-thing confirmation.
if you know something is not right for you, do not be swayed by public opinion.
take an honest assessment and stand behind it.
don’t compromise yourself.
do what you know you are supposed to do.
take the appropriate action or non-action.
be real and genuine and true to who you are.
live your life with pure integrity.
in every aspect of your existence.
and the next time you’re grappling with a tough decision . . .
remember the smiling sink. π
it will add a moment of comic relief to your circumstances.
and direct, perhaps redirect, you along the right path.
have you ever grappled with a difficult decision?
a situation that it seemed everyone else was saying YES to?
but one that you knew, when you looked deep down inside, was not ideal for you?
please share your experience.
i would love to hear from you.
Now if salmon didn’t fight to swim upstream every year, we wouldn’t have delicious fish. They fight instinctively. Often us humans start with our instincts then get blindsided along the way with popular opinion:) it’s my goal to stay on track with the goals I have placed before me, regardless of losing a popularity contest:) as a Christian, my decisions often won’t make sense to others; Christian or not. But I must do what God had asked me to do; regardless. Being different is never easy. But only you know what’s best for you. People love you but don’t always “get” you. Continue being strong, courageous and independent knowing you are following the calling in your heart.
good advice, elise. and you’re right – being different is never easy.
I’ll remember the smiling sink when going against the grain makes me feel drained! Good stuff, April – thanks!
“drained” huh?! π thanks for always injecting humor, jan.
I have spent years working with students, and getting them to understand the importance of independent decision making based on their own values, experience, and sense of peace has always been a challenge. It’s almost always easier to go with the crowd than stand alone. Thanks for the smile.
yes, fred. i have experience working with adolescents as well, and this was always a topic worth pursuing. of course adults often struggle with standing alone too. thanks so much for your input.
Thanks for the post, April! Yes, I sometimes feel the tension between the soothing feeling of “belonging” and the excitement and rush of being a “trailblazer”. I think that humans are inborn with the drive to belong to a group… it may be evolutionary. And I think that modern media (and western society in general) has fed that drive with a lot of lard and artificial sweetener – to the point that we feel HORRIBLE when we’re not accepted by the “group”.
But I love your reminder to always be authentic.
Always look inside and be true. Thanks to you and your drain for the reminder π
(and yes, when I make a decision and feel that peace, I know I’ve made the right one)
what an eloquent way of explaining it, rick! thank you for sharing your insights.
Thank goodness for smiling sinks! This is my favorite part of your story: “at the precise moment that i said to myself βno this is not for me,β
i felt a sense of calm and all-is-right-with-the-world-ness.”
So much wisdom and peace when we listen to ourselves.
thanks, christie. yes, we can discover so much wisdom and peace by looking within. it’s a wonder that we have to constantly remind ourselves to do so, isn’t it?
Oh, so inspiring!
These little signs are so important – yet so hard to see when you are blinded by the loud chatter of thoughts or neighbours π
Thanks, April, for a beautiful reminder,
L
llyane – you said it. especially loud chatter of thoughts! thank you.
April, this is sooo beautiful! This post has totally changed my perception of sinks! Love it!!!
thank you, nathalie. and π about your new perception of sinks!
April I love it! This is so beautifully written, so insightful, touching, and humorous. Thanks for making me smile (and please thank your sink for me).
Here’s to sticking with your gut!
i’m touched by your comment, stacie. thank you so much.
I’m a huge believer in signs. Not because of some mystical force but because I think “recognizing” signs leads you to your hearts real desire. That smiling sink was a HUGE sign.
trinidad – i love how you described “recognizing signs.” it fits exactly with how i interpret the process. thanks!
Hi have just left my life in Oz to travel the world! It was a difficult decision as I am 34 and according to the ‘norm’ I should be thinking of mortgages and babies. But I went with my gut feeling and it was the best decision I ever did make!!!! Love you posts – Keep them coming π
fabulous, sonya! (and i’m in a similar place – we just sold our permanent residence to do the same.) good for you for going with your intuition – it always does feel the best. have fun!
What a great post! Not only does it remind us that it’s ok to be different but it reinforces the need to slow down and see the signs/cues around us.
thanks, caylie – and what a wonderful observation. yes! the first thing i always talk about with my clients is awareness. so very very important.
The smiling sink made me smile! Thank you!
i’m glad, dominee. π
Thank you, April, this is very timely.
I’ve always gone against the grain, doing things when the time was right for me despite the resistance my family and friends might have expressed. I went to University at 30, then again at 43, times when others were more focussed on careers, mortgages and families. That way wasn’t right for me, and I’d done enough bending to others’ opinions in my life that I knew it was time to step out and follow my heart.
Once you make that connection, that it’s okay and in fact life-enhancing to do what your heart and soul wants, nothing can stop you. There are no hard and fast rules for living – you just make it up as you go along π
i’m thrilled when i hear about someone following their true path. thank you so much for sharing your story, jenny.
I love that you found your sign just when you needed it. How many times must we miss what’s right there in front of us?
Dance to your own drum beat π
Nic
yes, nicole – we do so often miss those clues. and when we do “dance to our own drum beat,” doesn’t it feel great?
Such a great piece.
I laughed at the sign. I love that you noticed it.
I also love your line “when people gather together to shout out their uniqueness to the world.
and then end up agreeing with one another on almost everything”
I see that way too often, and then the agree-ers become part of the in-crowd, so you have to consciously choose to hold onto your own odeas and thoughts and beliefs, or risk being consumed by that group individuality…
it’s a strange phenomenon that occurs, isn’t it, sam? thanks, as always, for reading! π
Thank you for your perspective and insight. The same thing can be said a thousand different ways but until we digest the words and perspective that speaks to our soul, I think they are merely suggestions. I’m a visual person and your “smiling sink” along with your personal experince speaks to me. I think that the discontent we feel when we go against our “better judgement” is our inner voice scolding us.
i too am a firm believer in listening to that inner voice. it always knows best. (thanks for visiting, scott.)