after reviewing my scrawled and copious notes,
reflecting on my five days away from home base,
i can sincerely say . . .
it was good.
ample time and space in order to
sort through my thoughts and emotions, goals and regrets,
at times jumbled up into one messy chaotic puzzle.
(shoved to the side until i can brush it off,
examine its enormity, weigh its significance.)
a welcomed respite in which i could
over-analyze, push away any underlying fears, make plans.
and try to keep from creating bigger obstacles to surmount.
i like digesting the world as i see it.
but what did i actually DO?!
-made myself comfortable in unfamiliar surroundings
-grieved a recent death, relived an older one
-offered solace to others
-hiked out of my comfort zone
-marveled at beautiful beaches, waterfalls, the rainforest
-experienced a mother’s worry
-relaxed with my husband
-laughed with my son
-participated in deep conversations
-cleaned personal spaces
-cleaned our clothes
-scratched my thumb and whined about a hangnail
-reminisced about each place i’ve called home
-slept on the best mattress in the world
-ate scrambled eggs
-alternated between heat on, windows open, heat on, windows open
-cried big tears
-sat in the sun
-made my bed every day and appreciated the ritual
-talked things through . . . with myself . . . out loud
and how ELSE did i spend my hours?!
-dreaming vividly
-enjoying introspective puttering
-alternating between contentment and disquiet for my solitude
-receiving hints about the future
-shopping for immediate needs
-experiencing tremendous nervousness
-taking lots and lots and lots of photos
-zigzagging hormonally
-feeling enamored, hopeful, elated, zealous
-feeling annoyed, bereaved, angry, disgusted
-lingering over people’s stories, both happy and sad
-consuming megacalories one day, barely eating another
-writing and journaling, writing and journaling
-reading for inspiration, reading for entertainment
-drinking coffee, and more coffee, and even more coffee
-neglecting my typical daily routine
-sneaking in uncommon afternoon naps
-allowing myself to feel detached
-choosing when to feel engaged
-deciding once more that my life is my own
have you had a chance lately to escape from the everyday?
to reestablish your footing and your priorities?
to decide that your life is your own?
*******
click below to receive my studio notes in your inbox each week.
(and get my complimentary guide to the essence7 journey as my gift to you!)
tweet
What a journey April! I can so relate so thank you for sharing such transparency. I loved “talked things through…with myself…out loud”. Great post as always!!
i admit it, april – i talk to myself all the time. (i have to remember to turn it off in public! 🙂 )
April, it’s wonderful that your retreat allows you time for introspection and reflection. I like to visit the beach in order to enjoy some alone time with nature. The sound of the ocean brings me great peace.
yes, the waves are very soothing to me as well, lori.
There are times away when I wish I could be alone with my own thoughts & feelings & journals, but I’m afraid if I had the space & time, I’d wile it away with avoidance or “useless” activities. You seem to have found a delicious balance of both. Kudos. I’m inspired.
Talking things through out loud – love that! Must do more of it.
🙂
cathy – i usually spend the beginning of my time doing those “useless” things – debriefing, unwinding. part of the natural process i think.
I always love reading your posts, my poetic friend. It’s like a journey home.
awww . . . thank you, julia.
Delicious post April, after a whirlwind week of wedding festivities and company I need to spend some time in silence and re calibrate. Thanks for this great list.
thank you, dana. glad it will help you unwind and readjust.
Another great post April. I could feel your heart in these words. So much can transform within us if we simply give ourselves the space and time to just be. I’m on my way to a similar retreat to NM soon. Looking forward to what emerges from my depths there 🙂
sounds wonderful, puja! let me know what you take away from your retreat.
I was about to answer, “no” because I’ve been on an intense work rollercoaster, but… I ddi escape to the lake a few weeks back. It was so incredibly restorative. Ahhh…..
the lake . . . yes, ahhh . . .