oh my, tough day?

life is hard for all of us at certain points.

i am definitely not immune to life’s trials and pressures.
there have been times when i’ve cried and i’ve screamed.
and i’ve yelled “why me?”
i’ve lived paycheck to paycheck in jobs that i hated.
i’ve dealt with very ill children.
i’ve said goodbye to people i loved.
i’ve fought feelings of low self-worth.

there is no sugarcoating it.
life feels pretty horrible now and then.
you may have hard decisions to make,
unpleasant obstacles to face,
and a challenging road ahead of you.

sometimes there is no quick fix to your troubles.
anxiety, fear, and shame are constant companions.

but i refuse to be a victim.
so i try to make wise decisions along the way.
because i believe that each and every moment i can choose.
to go a different direction, to follow an alternate path.

and after i experience the results of a few good choices,
there is a bit less suffering, a bit less anxiety, the next time.
i start to pinpoint when and how the shifts come about.
and i repeat the process.
i begin to go with the momentum that i’ve created.

and when you do this, you realize you are in control of your life.
not necessarily in control of every event,
but in control of your reactions.
you choose to make things different for yourself.

what do you want your life to look like?
how badly do you want that vision?
how willing are you to push yourself to attain it?

create your ideal existence on paper.
write it all down, draw it all out.
then do one small thing each day to steer yourself in that direction.

you are capable of leading a life that you love.
and you must tell yourself this every single day.

you are strong, you are smart, and you will survive.
if you believe in yourself.
don’t add to your upset by turning to crutches.
look inside and pull that strength and intellect out.
use them to your utmost advantage.

do the very best you can with whatever situation you find yourself in.
analyze it with curiosity.
make conscious, intentional choices.

most importantly?
do not give in to shame.
do not give up.

let’s talk about shame for a bit.

although shame can feel debilitating at the time,
try to listen to what it is telling you.
shame can be a useful tool.

cry, scream, punch a pillow if you have to.
but ask “shame” what it’s trying to say.

the purpose of shame is to let you know that you’ve fallen short.
of some expectation that you hold for yourself.
this emotion surfaces so you can do things you are proud of instead.
shame can be a powerful motivator to make things right.

to reduce shame, start thinking about the consequences of your actions.
if you want to feel proud, stop attacking yourself.
and never ever tell yourself that you’re worthless.

the root of the word shame means literally “to cover.”
what are you covering up?
feelings of inadequacy? feelings of incompetence?
these are normal emotions that most have experienced.
the key is to pay attention to and address any areas of weakness.

be kind to yourself (in your thoughts and your actions).
and remember that you can always start again.
age is irrelevant.
you can always do better.
next time, or at any moment in your journey.
again and again, if need be.

just don’t let the shame turn into self-pity.
adopting that “why me?” attitude (you know, the phrase that i’ve yelled?)
don’t make that choice.

work toward your goals.
fight for them.
rise above the distress you will experience from time to time.

rely on yourself.
trust your instincts and your judgment.

develop a strong internal support system,
that you can always go to, always count on.
recognize and believe in that power inside of you.

be your own best friend.
 
 
“I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.”
(William Ernest Henley, from the poem “Invictus”)
 
 
 
 
i would love to hear your thoughts on overcoming and conquering shame.
please leave me a comment.
 
 
 
 
~~~~~~~
 
 
 
 
watch for my 6-part mini-series beginning next week.
i’ll be traveling abroad with my family, exploring new cultures.
and i’ll be sharing wellness tidbits from each country we visit.
stay tuned!
 

 
 
 
 
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