i grew up in kellogg, idaho, a small mining town in the northern panhandle of the state. i moved away when i was 18 years old, visiting now and then over the next many years. in the spring of 2013, i moved back to my hometown until my relocation to italy last october.
there was one building uptown that i have loved throughout my life, the mcconnell hotel, the tallest structure on the tiny-scale skyline. every time i spied it from the off-ramp coming into town or passed it while taking walks or doing errands, i would blow the mcconnell hotel a kiss. at one point, my husband and i even briefly considered buying it, touring it with a realtor. but it wasn’t meant to be. it was too far out of our price range, factoring in the extensive and expensive (not to mention exhausting) reconstruction that would’ve been necessary. the mcconnell hotel always remained close to my heart though.
i have been back in the states for the past couple of weeks, primarily to visit my dad in kellogg. yesterday i went uptown (for the first time since i’d returned) to do some banking at wells fargo, which is close to the mcconnell hotel. in the middle of my transaction, the bank employees and i noticed smoke through the window and went outside to see what was going on. to my dismay, i saw the smoke rising up from the back of the hotel. my beloved mcconnell was on fire. with no firefighters on the scene yet, it was an especially surreal moment.
shortly after emergency crews arrived, the entire hotel was engulfed in flames that were shooting up 60 feet above the structure. i was amazed at how hot the heat from the blaze was, so hot that it physically hurt. and i was devastated at the thought of losing such a historical and beautiful building.
i knew the fight was truly over when the facade succumbed and crumbled, scattering its bricks all over the street.
i used to steal quick glances at the mcconnell from my bedroom window, a reassurance that an old friend was always there. today i could see only its blackened outline, still smoldering.
this entire trip has been difficult, and one day soon i hope to process all that has happened. but the mcconnell hotel burning, right in front of me, seemed like the culminating event. the odds of me being there, at that exact moment in time (when i live in italy), were crazy-slim. some kind of surreal sign or symbol of the monumental shifts that’ve been taking place in my life. over the last year, over the past two-and-a-half weeks. and there are more changes coming, big ones, that i’m not quite ready to face.
when a friend from seattle (who knew how much the hotel meant to me after visiting last summer) asked how i was doing this morning, i shared some of my feelings with her. her reply? “i think we can all relate to that burnt out structure on some level or another. i know i sure can. i feel so fortunate to have been introduced to the mcconnell last year.”
today i said my final goodbyes and blew my last kisses. though too much fire consumes, just enough provides the right combination of warmth and light. finding the precise amount beckons.
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