okay, i’m just going to say it.
i’m tired of the word GRATITUDE.
although i have been keeping a formal gratitude journal this year,
writing down five things that i am thankful for each day,
this isn’t really anything new for me.
i have always tried to maintain an awareness of appreciation,
jotting down what i’m happy for in my life.
which also serves as an awareness of any adjustments needed,
what i might wish to change.
does the official practice of calling it a gratitude journal
really alter or add anything?
i am grateful, oh-so-grateful, for my life.
i appreciate my opportunities and my abilities.
and especially my people.
family, friends, clients, colleagues.
it’s not that i’m not grateful.
i am.
truly i am.
but it’s not as if i lead a totally passive existence either.
my life is not something that simply happens to me.
i create the good in my life, every single day.
i enable it to happen.
sometimes it takes a long time to get to a certain destination.
keeping an active role in the process helps,
yet things often don’t turn out exactly as we plan them.
and i still want for things i can’t have, may never have.
does that make me greedy? bad?
i don’t think so.
though i often don’t feel comfortable amidst those who
“count their blessings” or are “content with enough.”
which is why seeing this sign actually bothered me:
could this perhaps be an excuse for not striving?
simply being grateful for something does NOT necessarily
turn it into ENOUGH.
i read C-O-M-P-L-A-C-E-N-C-Y between the lines.
that feeling of uncritical satisfaction when there could be . . .
well, MORE.
people so often give up the fight, decide they’re content.
even if there is still a burning yearning inside of them.
they decide the struggle involved isn’t worth stoking the flame.
so they just stop going after the dream,
stop tackling the tough stuff.
and tell themselves they’re “grateful” and it’s “enough.”
maybe it’s just me, but not knowing if there might be more
unless you explore, investigate, discover, try to find out?
yeah, that would bother me.
it’s not that i’m not grateful.
i am.
truly i am.
and i appreciate others showing their gratefulness.
noticing and smiling and thanking and not complaining.
i do.
really i do.
but, you know, there are some not-so-great things in my life too.
stuff i don’t share on my facebook page.
because how would that uplift or inspire anyone?
including me?
so when times are not perfect,
all five daily entries in my gratitude journal may say
“i’m alive.”
then i ask myself what’s going on and why,
and try to lift myself out of the gloom.
my point is this.
don’t settle.
for so-so or for disappointing.
make a heroic effort, aim high, exert yourself.
endeavor to stay focused, aspire to greatness.
and now a few (okay, several) of my favorite
2015 today-i-am-grateful-for thoughts.
please note this is only a random sampling.
because, of course, i love them all.
(that’s why i wrote them down!)
from january:
• italian manor house plotting
• snow snow snow (pretty)
• nicholas hanging his photographs for saturday’s art debut!
• 1:1 session with client (energizes me)
• cocoa-dusted macadamia nuts
from february:
• SUN (after several gloomy days)
• weekly coffee date with carol, on same track with idea
• nicholas 17yo, such a good kid
• chef at teppanyaki table
• wonderful wonderful talk with eric
from march:
• facebook messaging with mary (deep stuff)
• luggage arrived intact
• new portuguese friends
• alexander and nicholas playing music together at coffee shop
• nice man at u.s. immigration
from april:
• guest blog post done, turned in
• my bio up on new collaborative website (wow!)
• outfit i threw together from my closet
• laziness (go with it)
• alexander’s percussion tapping to live band
from may:
• nicholas’s new project (musical pipes)
• pearls restrung
• mattress at airbnb rental
• long day all to self
• imagining my retreat
from june:
• morning routine on deck with coffee
• triple crown winner “american pharaoh”
• gregory hines tap video
• art therapy exploration
• new caribbean blue purse (my summer color)
from july:
• sense of peace
• early a.m. selfies with mr. smith
• not allergic to bee sting
• alexander $$ from street tapping
• i made french dip (yum!)
from august:
• crazy loud wild turkey on sidewalk
• alexander acting! singing! tap dancing!
• my creative mastermind group
• women on my e-course waiting list!
• villa magnolia offer accepted!! all-day giddiness!!
from september:
• crepes, new friend lana
• nicholas’s transcript and senior year plan
• photos and hugs with ivana and family
• leonardo 4yo “falling in love” with me
• first glimpse of villa magnolia in the dark, tears
from october:
• “friends” reruns
• texting with kellee (best friends, trust)
• house is clean, everyone helped
• sushi late lunch
• dad and his grandsons singing “danny boy”
from november:
• crockpot chili
• e-course writing, editing, research
• dancing to taylor swift 1989 songs
• refusing to allow someone else to make me feel guilty
• eric and boys
i think the biggest gift my gratitude journal brings me
is a chance to look back at an exceptional year.
with more goodness to come in december.
it’s not that i’m not grateful.
i am.
truly i am.
*******
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yes, and … perhaps Gratitude is more about BEING enough than having enough, and as we invite it to BE who we are (Great Full), the essence of greatness pulls us ever forward into our most brilliant becoming, life as a miracle, both grateful and open to the ever changing currents of life. Let gratitude move us into Great Full (and Overflowing) …
yes, sora. and i wasn’t referring to merely the material. i think we sometimes feel we are already all we were meant to be. and being content/grateful ends the inner exploration, rather than opening it up.
This is SO FLIPPIN GOOD, April! I couldn’t agree more. Gratitude is so important, but so is striving for greatness! I use gratitude more as a way to adjust a negative focus. So if my hubby is driving me nuts (chewing loudly), I make sure I focus on the big picture and things I’m grateful for about him (like his willingness to do laundry). I refer to this as “Perspective Balancing”, but to your point, status quo can easily hide under the umbrella of “gratitude”. This post was such a great reminder that gratitude shouldn’t replace ambition! <3
here’s to keeping “status quo” out in the open, april. (even though a few raindrops – or even a torrential downpour – might interfere with progress at times!)
I get a similar feeling – whenever someone suggests (or I read) that I can’t have more until I’m grateful for what I have – a feeling that it’s a form of settling. Maybe it’s the kind of mood I’m in this week, but I would much prefer to alter my situation, such as clearing the clutter in my house or making yet another shift to the way I eat, so that I get one step closer to having the life I strive for. Then, as I’m responsible for the situation I’ve created (if even partly), I’m just as apt to be grateful to myself for bringing it about as for the situation itself. (Does that make any sense?)
i think that makes good sense, cathy – altering your situation in order to feel some ownership of it, a sign of forward progress. thanks for your input!
Yes! Sometimes it’s anger and frustration that moves us forward. I used to get so upset when I would complain about my job and people would say, “You’re lucky to have a job.” <— that view is sad and disheartening. I was always grateful to be able to pay my bills- NOT to spend 40 hours in a place I hated.
*PS I left. 😉
love your p.s. 🙂