two days ago i was feeling blah.
unproductive. lacking energy.
that overall sensation of listlessness that sometimes pays a visit.
and a close friend said to me:
“esprit is a great word for this year!
the cure to your blahs.
see, april, these ups and downs are the mind of a creative person.
and that’s not a bad thing.
creative energy – accomplishment highs – and then the down part.
maybe. just my theory.”
i like her theory.
and i’m oh-so-grateful for her friendship.
because i certainly have my share of dark days.
i know i should have been changing my thinking,
looking at the situation from a new angle,
reframing it as an opportunity.
but sometimes i don’t feel like listening to my own coaching.
i just feel like being annoyed, irritated, depressed, sad, angry.
one day ago my feelings were hurt.
deeply. to the core.
in the way that only family can pierce your heart.
and a dear friend asked me:
“do you feel like you’ve been kicked in the stomach?
never let anyone’s actions change the way you feel
about what you are doing.
their problem, their decisions they have to live with.
you are an amazing mom, wife, sister, and friend.
and you know your mom would be proud of you.”
beautiful encouraging words from another true blue.
someone who’s known me for a very long time.
because, as a matter of fact, i did feel as if i’d been attacked.
i know i should have been shrugging it off,
focusing on me, and dismissing the pain.
but sometimes i need to nurse my wounds,
and feel at least a little bit sorry for myself.
in my left out, ignored, slighted, forgotten state.
today the question is . . .
what do i do with all of these hard-to-swallow feelings?
the ones that well up unexpectedly, but with grand force,
threatening to alter the course of my day, week, month, year, life?
i’m generally a happy person.
although i can be a bit cynical at times,
i usually have a bubbling-over kind of energy and enthusiasm for life.
but sometimes i lose that spark.
sometimes i feel as if the universe is running me over.
erasing my jubilance, telling me to pipe down,
popping my proverbial bubbles.
and in these inevitable moments, i simply need to cope.
i need to take deep breaths and remind myself that,
as life goes on, so will i.
here are nine ways i personally handle these dark storm-filled days:
- i wrap myself in my immediate family’s embrace (my husband and sons can always make things better)
- i dance to loud peppy music (“i shake it off, i shake it off” – thank you, taylor)
- i journal, journal, journal (including thoughts of revenge i will never act upon and a few strangely-satisfying swear words)
- i comfort myself with delight-filled rituals (like a hot bath with poetry and scented candles)
- i cry (messy soulful stuff guaranteed to get the angst out)
- i read (either for inspiration and encouragement, or for pure escape)
- i bundle up in a down throw and watch a favorite old sitcom (like “i love lucy” or “seinfeld”)
- i create a colorful new outfit to wear (pulling separate pieces from my closet together for a fresh ensemble)
- and when i begin to feel stronger, i let the various thoughts and emotions swirling around in my head coalesce into a plan of action
it’s gonna be alright.
so now, of course, i turn to you.
what is your go-to solution for the blues?
*******
welcome in 2015 with a transformative journey
through my 7 essential elements.
a delicious encounter with self.
weightless.
i didn’t include it above, but a tenth and obvious addition to my list is texting/messaging with my friends. their love and support mean the world to me! <3
I Love Lucy and Seinfeld. Two of my absolute favorites. How can those two oldies NOT make a person feel better? You are an amazing person…I count my lucky stars every.single.day that you are (have been) in my life all of these years.
Shake it (literally) off in your unique, beautiful style!!
Love you.
Kellee
“shake it (literally) off in your unique, beautiful style!!”
(you make me smile.)
love you too, and thank you thank you thank you for being my forever friend.
I have a long history of doing just about anything to ‘avoid’ feelings like hurt, anger, sadness, anxiety … anything outside my comfortable realm of serenity. Now, I sit with those feelings. I force myself to feel them in my body until I have a relationship with them that is purely physical. After that, I typically write because the written word helps me find the source. Somewhere in this process I’m finding a way to come home to me and my response to the external circumstances that brought me to this place. It’s typically a cellular memory triggered by something (or someone) in my world. The conscious bumping up against the unconscious or vice versa. Thank you for helping me articulate that. Here’s to honoring all those places, bright and not so bright. xxoo
Depending on what else I have going on, I get quiet & lay low because when I am hurt I can’t avoid feeling it (much as I might try)…exercise & meditation are the 2 consistent ways I can center myself. After things simmer, I usually see that my reaction has often been triggered by old patterns that hurt and the hurtful words usually have more to do with the person leveling them and their situation.
Sending a big virtual hug your way! Feel what you feel and I hope that the hurt subsides for you quickly.
I would love to avoid the bad days all together but truth is we can’t… I like to think that spirits may always be lifted by family, children and grandchildren. There are days that a nice cup of ‘hot tea’ becomes soothing for mind, body and soul. Also, taking some me time apart from all others and just be with yourself, in meditation or simply doing what only you want to do, seems to be healthy. Sometimes the best way out is through.
Like others who’ve spent time avoiding, I’ve learned that letting myself curl up around the pain works wonders – acknowledging, feeling, maybe even wallowing in it a bit. Then it inevitably tells me where it needs to go – dancing to loud music or other movement, crying, writing – and I’ve learned to follow wherever the movement takes me, to allow the wave of emotion to crest and subside. A deep soulful hug is the cherry on top at the end.
April, I love how you write – like a poem / story / conversation. <3 And to shake it off, I too love to dance! My kids always get me to laugh out loud. We play "The Funny Game," where we take turns trying to make each other laugh. Nothing shifts the grumps quite like a round or two of The Funny Game. 🙂
A hug always makes me feel better. 🙂 And a nice stroll outside!
Like many of your previous posts, April, oh how I can identify with what you’ve written! I always turn to inspirational quotes, a hot bath with salts and oils, or my loved ones for comfort, but the truth is, it all starts and ends with me. When I am able to re-frame my thoughts and shift my focus to what is working for me rather than focusing on what isn’t working for me, life seems to instantly shift back to a place of peace…plus a good cup of coffee never hurts as I’m thinking!