Do you often worry about what other people think? Does it make you second-guess yourself, causing you to freeze in the middle of your intentions?
Do you deeply embody slights from others (real or perceived)? Do you allow cruel (or even teasing) jabs to get under your skin, tearing your self-esteem down in the process?
We all ruminate on things that others have done to us. But perhaps it’s time to ask yourself some difficult questions and to expect some honest answers. To wave goodbye to debilitating worries over things you cannot control. To stop excuses from standing in the way of your path to harmony and serenity.
Becoming mindful of your reactions and responses goes a long way in changing the ones that do not serve you. Self-awareness and insight can help you analyze what is going on in your life and what you can do to make things run more smoothly.
Are you willing to expand your outlook, to go a bit deeper?
• Identify specific events that make you feel the way you don’t want to feel. Try to determine when worry sets in: who or what triggers it, what else is going on at the time.
• Write out how you’ve reacted in the past, separating the positive (helpful) responses from the negative (not-so-helpful) ones.
• Pick one situation and write out the best possible scenario for reacting (one that would be helpful to you and to other involved parties). Include the specific wording you would use to respond in such a way.
• Practice the best scenario wording, out loud if you have a chance. (This step may feel silly at first, but can be extremely effective in changing the way you react the next time. Try it.)
• Begin dissecting (and hopefully understanding) why you care what others think. Is it possible (or even necessary) to please everybody all of the time? Of course not! Then why do you keep opening yourself up to this kind of agony? What if you just didn’t care? Would the world come to an end? Remember that you simply cannot control other people or external events.
• Use affirmations if necessary: I am confident. I am worth it. I feel fear, but I don’t let it stop me. I will keep moving forward just like I have in the past. I am strong and courageous. I do what I think is right. I am my own best advocate. I am one tough cookie!
• Think about what you want out of life, what pleases you, what brings you joy. How can you hold yourself in higher esteem and stop giving your power away to others? Focus on things that delight you, things that contribute to positive energy.
• If you must worry about something, worry about your own opinion . . . of you! Do you like yourself? Why or why not? If not, how can you raise yourself in your own eyes? Concentrate on building yourself up.
Take good care of YOU. Whatever that looks like, with no apologies. Any time you feel strongly about doing or not doing something, about saying or not saying something, honor and respect yourself enough to listen. Take good care of YOU.
Be who you are, who you were meant to be. Open the door and invite this exciting new way of thinking and feeling and behaving into your everyday. And embrace what you are welcoming in – a new way of responding that dissipates fear and anxiety, that is emotionally healthy, that takes good care of YOU. Good luck on your new adventure!
What can you do today that will bring you closer to being your own best advocate? Tell me about it in the comments (and then DO IT.)
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This is great advice April, it is so freeing when we no longer worry about what other people think of us and as you said, you can’t please everyone all of the time, so please yourself so you get to live a happy life.
Great tip about practicing responses out loud. That’s very powerful. Thank you.
I think that’s one of the gifts of aging. For me anyway. I am getting VERY good at pleasing myself and letting go of worry. The stronger my boundaries, the fewer of these issues I encounter. Here’s to more spaciousness around relationships and understanding who get’s a seat at the table. xxoo
What WONDERFUL tips here, April! You walk us through the steps in a thoughtful, safe manner, My favorite was, “If you must worry about something, worry about your own opinion . . . of you! Do you like yourself? Why or why not? If not, how can you raise yourself in your own eyes? Concentrate on building yourself up.” Awesome, just awesome! I try to focus on this one for myself. Also, when negative thoughts creep in and I find myself irritated with someone or in the presence of someone who drains me, I just think, “let it go…these thoughts are not serving you.” More often than not, it works and my resentment slips away, if only temporarily.
Good timing, April. As I approached the end of 3 months with my husband away, I spent a great deal of time noticing how I’d been living and caring for myself while he was gone. There’s a sense of space that goes way beyond having the whole bed to myself and no socks to pick up off the floor. I’ve had the space to expand more fully into ME, as I’d been doing before we met.
This time was a lovely reminder to notice what changes when he’s around and to hold steady to the parts that are important to me and invite him to do the same, so that we can then be more fully present to each other moving forward.
I notice a big impact when I use affirmations…buttt sometimes I get distracted and don’t do them for a while. Time to get back on the wagon. Thanks for the reminder 🙂
Beautifully written and great wisdom. It’s important to let go of our perceived thoughts of judgement. In all reality we are thinking worse of ourselves. Thank you for the inspiration and reminder.