what does home mean to me?
september 2012
(after making the decision to sell our home in washington state and become global nomads)
we are headed toward not having an actual physical place to call home and, during the process of geographically untethering our lives, we have discussed and explored what home really means to us.
we’ve discovered that home is an emotional place, a feeling that all is well as long as we are together. a place where we support and encourage, love and inspire each other.
we’ve liked all the houses we’ve called home through the years, special moments within the walls of each house forever part of our cherished memories.
but we know that wherever we find ourselves in our wanderings, we will be safe. we will be settled. we will be home.
july 2015
(when considering a move to europe)
i equate feeling at home with seeking wholeness.
my sense of home feels kind of messy at the moment, and i am once again experiencing those never-unfamiliar-but-always-surprising-nonetheless “where do i belong?” feelings. searching, exploring, trying to discover my place in this wide wide world.
some days, my home opens its shutters and lets in the light. other days, the rooms are shadowed, dark, even a bit torturous. dreams and hopes mixed in with disappointments and valuable lessons. these ingredients are introduced separately, but together they transform and create a new recipe for living (sometimes, perhaps often, in a new environment).
i am currently caught between where i am and where i want to be. but i know that, for now, it’s an okay place to hang out. it’s just me, doing what i do from time to time: rechecking my direction, adjusting and fine-tuning my why, keeping things compelling and new, engaging my soul in this journey called life. i may stumble, but as long as i’m kind to myself and allow things to unfold organically, i will be fine. i’m receiving clear messages that it may be time to begin anew once more.
finding your place in this world is not a geographical quest. home simply means wholeness. home is your essence, your truest self.
december 2016
(two months after moving everything we owned, including two cats, to italy)
i felt a little less bewildered this week.
especially when eric said, for the very first time,
“when we get back home.”
and i realized that, by home, he meant villa magnolia.
may 2020
(during lockdown in italy / day 61)
we are always attempting to fill empty spaces, cover them up.
we don’t like to leave gaps or openings,
we resist new ways of thinking and being.
because we know emptiness can be lonely, voids uncomfortable.
but awareness of “the space between” can also be rather zen-like.
instead of trying to fill those in-between moments as quickly as we can
we could listen to what we are really saying to ourselves.
and we might just recognize our true self within.
higher enlightenment might possibly occur.
we might finally recognize home.
november 2021
(back in my hometown in north idaho)
i have dreamed before
and moved to italy
now i am dreaming again
and renovating a house in the states
i’ve already fulfilled many dreams
i always have more
the key for me is to appreciate the present
while continuing to stretch my limits
there’s still much i intend to do
still much i wish to squeeze out of life
the mere fact that i’m not finished yet
makes me feel deliciously alive
no matter where i go or what i do though
i always carry with me my uniquely precious concept of home
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