far beyond.

for those of you who are tired of hearing about my journey to italy
and all that it entails,
please stop here.

for those of you who are interested in witnessing the dramatic emotional shifts
that come with a decision of this magnitude,
please read on.

if a manifesto is defined as
“a public declaration of intentions, opinions, objectives, or motives,”
then i think i’ve just written one.

i’m moving to italy in september.
but i’m really going far beyond.

far beyond my comfort zone,
into a glimpsed-but-truly-unknown-to-me land.

a different language.
a different culture.
a different way of life.
(perhaps even a different april.)

i’m headed into the next chapter of my life.
no, really, into the next book of the not-quite-written series.

the scenery will change.
the dialogue will be unfamiliar.
the general feel will be just a tad off.
the descriptive passages will sear my soul
in both exciting and anxiety-producing ways.

[whoooooooooo . . .
deep breaths out.
breeeeeathe. relaaaaax.
my life right now?
busy, overwhelming, chaotic.]

will i be me?
or will i feel like someone else?
how far and wide will (or can) my mind and heart stretch?

the contrasting emotions that have bubbled up,
as i maneuver my way through my last few months in the u.s.,
are ever-present.

tingling, simmering, sometimes crying out.

i’m moving to italy in september.
but i’m really going far beyond.

what awaits me?
what can i quickly latch onto and use as my solid base?
what will be the foundation that supports me?

villa magnolia is built of concrete and stone.
and so must i follow its almost-100-year example
and plant my feet firmly in the soil.
turn my eyes to the sturdy reassuring mountain range to ground me.
and then begin to blossom in different directions.
where the sun stimulates my energy,
where the rain waters my growth.

beginning again,
as a child must feel.
tentatively taking first steps.
falling, getting back up.

days of tantrums and tears.
feeling frustrated and misunderstood,
questioning why.

days of enchantment and ease,
feeling stronger and braver
than ever before.

why am i making this move across the globe,
to the country shaped like my favorite footwear?

am i searching for a place to touch down?
maybe.
am i going home?
perhaps.

i’m moving to italy in september.
but i’m really going far beyond.

why is this about-to-be-fulfilled, oh-so-close-to-real dream
so frightening in nature?
why does it shake me to my core?

why does it make me ask “what in the hell are you doing”
and “who do you think you are”
again and again and again?

because it’s not just a dream.
it’s a reality.
and it’s important.
it’s my essence projecting out on the big screen,
for all to see.

will this crazy fantasy succeed?
hopefully, yes.
will it succeed in the way i envision it?
most likely, no.

there will be failures, disappointments, setbacks.

but i have to try.
i have to reach.
i have to show up.

i have to pull myself s-l-o-w-l-y, up and into
that next bright adventure story,
cappuccino in hand.

i’m moving to italy in september.
but i’m really going far beyond.

i will be encountering a formerly unexplored part of my psyche.
never before permitted to peek out,
let alone burst onto the scene
in bold and uninhibited colors.
it will be strange, unusual.
but it will still be me.

then the two separate pieces of my identity will begin to coalesce,
and eventually form the new and expanded version of myself.

there will be do-overs,
as i constantly reinvent the self.
shoving down and hiding embarrassments,
sharing glories along the way.

my life never proceeds exactly as i’ve planned it.
and this will be no exception.

there are always surprises and roadblocks,
yet unexpected moments of synchronicity
and perfection as well.

we are all blindly feeling our way along at times.
yet at other moments it seems as if, by simply raising a finger,
the universe responds to our call.

oh my, the mix of emotions!
tossing and turning while i’m supposed to be slumbering,
lying awake for hours with my wildly escalating thoughts.

“because a thing seems difficult for you,
do not think it impossible.”
(thank you, marcus aurelius.)

difficult? absolutely.
impossible? no.
i’m scared, but i’m willing.

i’m moving to italy in september.
but i’m really going far beyond.
 
 

 
 
so now i want to know.
have you ever felt this way?
what momentous decision have you struggled with,
back and forth, back and forth,
before taking that final leap?
 
 
*******
 
 

it’s just around the corner . . .
the second live run of THE ARRIVAL.
beginning AUGUST 1.
open to ALL women.

THE ARRIVAL: the quintessential essence7 journey

to making your dreams come true.

become a first-class passenger on your exciting inner journey.
as you metaphorically jet to foreign lands with me throughout the 7 weeks.

explore my personal driving force.
my 7 essential elements.

THE ARRIVAL takeoff = AUGUST 1.

 
 
*******
 
 
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