I’ve said it before.
I see eating disorder recovery as a journey, a discovery, a stepping stone along the way to becoming a fully integrated person. I see the women who go through this process as extremely bold and beautiful individuals.
I see them embodying the word BELLA.
For me, BELLA conjures up an image of hope and strength and bravery. It symbolically represents the audacious soul who is saying goodbye to her eating disorder, discovering once again who she is, and moving delightfully forward with her life.
Today I would like to write that beautiful woman a second open letter . . .
Dear Bella,
How are you doing today, dear?
The last time I wrote, I asked you to begin envisioning your eating disorder as a valuable life lesson. To mine the precious pieces that enabled growth, the specific challenges that provided substance and meaning. I trust that you were able to look at your experience in a new way, as a profile of courage and strength.
And now I would like you to concentrate on the present. You have found your own healthy rhythm of eating intuitively and exercising joyfully. You are engaging in daily self-care habits that feel right for you. You have successfully parted with the physical behaviors that have brought you down in the past.
Yes, I know. I know there are still times when the strength and the courage seem so far out of your grasp. When the old behaviors beckon to you, call your name. But look at how far you have come! Celebrate the progress you have made, the powerful momentum you have gained. Concentrate on these moments, these hours, these days, these months. And keep honoring your body, listening to its cues and its wisdom.
You may yet be clinging to one last thread of your eating disorder. Nevertheless, I believe you are ready for the next step. Ready to venture out on your own, without the heavy burden you’ve been carrying. Without the voices in your head, frantically whispering those old stories, those old falsehoods. Without the grief that envelops you and threatens to pull you back to the precipice. It’s time to say a final goodbye. Goodbye to anorexia, goodbye to bulimia, goodbye to binge eating. Forever.
To initiate the process, to ignite this new way of thinking and feeling and being, Bella, I’d like you to reflect on a few questions.
1. What emotions are conjured up, come to the surface immediately, when I ask you to say goodbye to your eating disorder in its entirety?
2. When you think about your life without your eating disorder, what image of yourself comes up? Do you remember who you once were, who you will become again?
3. Are you living in emotional captivity? Is it time to forgive yourself, to heal yourself, to expand your domain and live beyond the confines of your eating disorder?
4. Are you willing to reclaim your true self, to embrace the essence of your soul? Can you imagine your ideal new world, the world you are entitled to, the world that is waiting for you right around the corner from your eating-disordered thoughts?
Change, hope, discovery. Yes, Bella, it is time.
You are beautiful.
Love,
April
Whether you have personally struggled with one, or whether you know someone who has, you can see how much eating disorders have permeated our society. And you are most likely familiar with the destruction they can leave in their wake.
I would like to concentrate here, however, on reconstruction. On the reconstruction and transformation of lives once consumed by eating disorders.
Please, if you’ve been there, tell me your story of perseverance and grit. Tell me how you’ve welcomed sunshine into a once very dark place.
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.
(Leonard Cohen)
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Find out more about how I can help facilitate this life-changing journey home in my free e-book. Feel metaphorically weightless.
April, your words hold such weight and truly speak to my very soul…thank you for this.
Although I don’t identify with the physical manifestation of an eating disorder, I can completely relate to the internal confusion that can lead there. And so I accept the beautiful love and wisdom that your letter sends with an open heart and will remember to persevere anytime my little mind tries to keep me down.
Though I was fortunate enough to not fall into the abyss of anorexia, I lived most of my life in a love hate relationship with food and my body. People who meet me today and see me light up around food would never guess I struggled so miserably for all those years. It’s nice to be on the other side of all that. For me that involves making sure I eat at least one food each day that makes me gasp.
This is such a multi-contextuasl journey. Just this past week one of my friends/colleagues posted this on Facebook:
“I’ve been thinking about the fact that the ‘nutritionist’ from The Biggest Loser is a featured speaker at a women in leadership business conference. Because that’s what we need: more weight-loss focused women in leadership. I don’t know about you but I want more leaders who know that their bodies are deep sources of wisdom, who are living in a connected way to what they want, what they need, and what they’ve had enough of. Who have bigger things to do than to carry around the anxiety of weight-worry.” ~ Carmen Cool
These are the women I want to hang out with. Thanks for doing the work you do. xxxooo
I know someone very close to me who I have seen struggle with an eating disorder for as long as I can remember. Those are deep, insightful, tough questions. Eating disorders are a tough nut to crack, I wish that she could take a good look at questions like those and answer them honestly. It would be so helpful.
When my daughter was in college, one of her sorority sisters was anorexic. This young woman never joined the others when they dined out; whe always came up with an excuse. My daughter said that she rarely saw her friend eat and that the girl often had severe stomach ailments. Her clothing hung off her body and her body was emaciated. So sad, how this condition impacts a person’s life and their health. Kudos to you, April, for helping women with their journey to heal.
April, your work is so important for so many. Disordered eating and body image is so entwined. Being at peace with your choices, your rhythms and your self is the foundation for everything else. Keep doing what you do, it’s fantastic!
This is very important work, I have known someone with these same struggles. I wish I could ask her these questions and help her to let the light in. Teaching someone how to honor their body is more than I would be able to do, bless your heart for making the difference!
Ah yes eating disorders. Lots of history and not to dishonour the pain involved but it is a fascinating journey. I focused for a while on using EFT technique for emotional eating and emotional non-eating. But now my emphasis is mor on relationships. Start with relationship with self. It is soo tough to truly love self. Next step is intimate relationships with a partner. See my site for more on that and a great weekend getaway in March. Blessings to all who continue this healing. Lots of love. Oh I’m near international ski resort in whistler BC in the woods.
I’m going to try those questions with a client who just quit smoking. Thanks love
This is incredibly poignant, April. Thankfully, I’ve never struggled with an eating disorder, but someone very close to me has. I will share this post with her. Thank you! xo