Category Archives: my studio notes

what do they expect of me?

if they expect me to
follow the well-trodden path,
to connection, to education, to permanence –
i will disappoint.

but if i expect myself to
follow where intuition and intellect guide me,
to my truest passion, to my metaphorical home –
i will excel.

subject: my first annual essence7 wellness solo retreat
location: beautiful lodge at local ski resort
accommodations: mountain view corner suite
amenities: king size bed, full kitchen, balcony, fireplace, rainfall shower, claw foot tub
 
 
what i thought my retreat would consist of:

• reading, reading, reading
• writing, writing, writing
• thinking, brainstorming, creating
• planning, strategizing
• engaging in solitude
• rereading previous journals and morning pages
• immersing myself in introspective exercises
• drinking green smoothies and lots of coffee
• capturing revelations as they surface
• soaking in an epsom salt bath in that luxurious (huge!) clawfoot tub

 

 
 
what my retreat actually looked like:

• all of the above
• and so much more

1. debriefing to clear the cobwebs
2. exploring unexpected (and heavy) emotions
3. dissecting my fears
4. staring into space and watching some tv
5. indulging in my continuous experimentation with words
6. breathing to focus, to calm, to dive deep
7. observing life through my five senses
8. becoming enchanted with the word grit
9. realizing how much i really do like myself
10. realigning and interweaving my goals within my mission
11. refreshing and recharging my internal batteries
12. embracing my often elusive courage
13. realizing i will never do everything on my list
14. celebrating that i have such an expansive list
15. envisioning the details of my upcoming retreat for clients
16. discovering that more time + less distraction does not = instant concentration
17. panning for nuggets in my voluminous tomes
18. talking out loud (and answering)
19. accepting my long held dream of becoming a (real) writer
20. falling in love all over again with my husband (who joined me the third night)

tousled hair selfie

• to escape the interference of daily life while rewriting my business plan
• to excavate raw materials hidden inside
• to illuminate the direction in which i should proceed
• to quiet the whispered fears of feeling less independent, less capable
• to acknowledge the thoughts tumbling over each other inside my brain
• to sit with the feelings threatening to swallow me up
• to have fun!

we know.
but we don’t know.

we know
that days tend to pass by in a busy blur.
but we don’t know
how to begin reducing the speed, appreciating each detail.

we know
that we’ve made many mistakes in the past.

are you ready?

• to walk through fire to the other side?
• to reach the coolness and relief of a calm oasis of well-being?
• perhaps to go even further, to more luminous enlightenment?

are you ready?

• to embrace the waiting-to-be-opened, tantalizing gift of renewal?

“The impulse to write things down is a peculiarly compulsive one, inexplicable to those who do not share it . . . keepers of private notebooks are a different breed altogether.” (Joan Didion)
 
 

 
 
Where would I be without my journal?