violence. bloodshed.
here we are once again.
tragedy. heartbreak.
incomprehensible to comprehend.
i tremble.
so much pain. catalonia, france, the united states.
the vegas shooting far from me, yet at least six
had come from places that i’ve called home.
two of the six are now two of the 58, gone forever.
do you crave an existence in a more expansive world?
do you wish to create a magical life for yourself?
ACT.
do you have a secret desire, a yearning, a hunger?
for a stronger voice, for adventurous travel, for better relationships?
i no longer am able to take pleasure in
the citrusy scent of a freshly cut orange,
the perfumed air from a bouquet of roses,
the sweet powdery smell of a baby’s soft skin.
we live our lives through our senses,
and i’ve lost my sense of smell.
what is there to say,
when it’s all been said before?
maybe just that i am here,
in a new place, learning to navigate.
but dealing with similar struggles,
and with similar joys to celebrate.
we’re all different, it is true,
with our unique habits and notions.
this is a difficult post to write. it’s always hard admitting to moments of raw weakness.
my recent trip to the states brought a lot of things to light, including things i perhaps wasn’t ready or willing to bring out of the darkness.
i grew up in kellogg, idaho, a small mining town in the northern panhandle of the state. i moved away when i was 18 years old, visiting now and then over the next many years. in the spring of 2013, i moved back to my hometown until my relocation to italy last october.
decisions, decisions.
we are always making decisions.
i am struck by a particular dichotomy at the moment.
convenience and familiarity,
accompanied by that passive stagnation i so consciously avoid.
vs. frustration and bewilderment,
which often creates that dynamic growth i crave.
our expectations are not always our reality, are they? after only 10 months away, i wasn’t expecting to experience much difference upon reentry. but many factors have been at play in the past few days, combining to create a strangeness i can’t really define as anything other than reverse culture shock:
have you ever wanted to do something
that you knew would help you, guide you,
give you the push you so desperately needed . . .
but you just felt too afraid,
you felt as if your excuses
made more sense than your dreams?
It is time once again for THE ARRIVAL. I am formally inviting you, the woman with the intrepid soul, to join me in Tuscany this October. And I sincerely hope you will accept my invitation.
Why? Because I want you to stop imagining your best life, and begin living it instead.
