“apparently there were seven stages of grief,
but that was a neat way of putting it.
grief was messy and didn’t colour inside the lines.”
~emily gale
abstract by april m lee
grief is certainly messy
and unpredictable
troubling, distracting
it comes and it goes
it ebbs and it flows
though sometimes anticipated
it can hit unexpectedly
an accident
an uprooting
a betrayal
a passing
any event that changes
the way we do life
new job
new home
new family
new situation
anything
unfamiliar
unrehearsed
unsettled
i’m struggling a bit
at the moment
not sleeping well or enough
and when i literally can’t breathe
i soon can’t breathe metaphorically
trying to forge a new chapter
that seems unreachable
unimaginable
many moments of anxiety
as i work to untangle those things
which seem gnarled and knotty
added weight
added pressure
added complications
lingering anxiety
a new thing for me
never so specific
and permanent-feeling before
and suddenly i realize
i’m grieving
for what was
for what could have been
even for what may be ahead
but it’s okay
because grief can also
be oddly soothing
a gift our body gives us
allowing ourselves to
let the dam burst
let the tears surge
a flood of emotions
and questions
and yearnings
to process the loss
to begin making sense
of the unknown future
searching for
homeostasis
a balance
physiological, psychological
our essence
our home
