i want COLOR!
clothing, surroundings, imagination.
i want DANCE!
movement, expression, story.
i want LAUGHTER!
happiness, relief, well-being.
i want POETRY!
imagery, cadence, metaphor.
i want ENERGY!
the christmas season
is filled with cheer and joy.
except when it isn’t.
except when it is
lonely,
sad,
full of grief.
sometimes it isn’t all merry merry,
cookies in the oven,
perfect wreath on the door.
UNSETTLED.
the moon shoots sideways
i’m under its spell
so i move too
the force trips me up
but only for a brief pause
the tides fight back
then acquiesce as i roll into them
CHAOTIC. the word of the day.
is it muscular capability?
mental stamina?
force or vigor?
is it power through influence or authority?
backbone or brawn?
stability or energy?
strength comes in many forms.
and it surrounds me with its amazing beauty.
when we reach for the stars,
should our feet leave the ground?
sometimes it seems as if we must
suspend reality for awhile,
behave as if our fears weren’t
rooted to the earth quite so firmly.
it may all come toppling down of course,
like a child’s building blocks once proudly
boasting the perfect skyscraper.
on monday i stumbled across a gratitude journal i had kept sporadically in 1997/98.
five things a day that i appreciated, written most days.
i had been devouring the wisdom in sarah ban breathnach’s book,
thus setting out to acknowledge simple abundance in my own life.
I’m sad when I drink the last drop of my morning coffee. Afforded the luxury of working/schooling from home, I have a well-proven ritual that allows me to ease into my day . . . time to plan my schedule, journal my feelings and ideas, read motivational words, be inspired.
i do some emotions better than others.
like anger.
that one flares up easily.
the caustic words escaping my mouth
before i am able to catch them.
and sadness.
big fat gloppy tears
that squeeze out of my eyes
and race each other down my cheeks.
i am in the midst of experiencing a personal and professional,
perhaps-only-in-my-head,
miniature existential crisis.
big words for . . .
countless ideas whirling about.
but nothing concrete happening.
leaving me a bit uninspired.
experiencing an autumn explosion.
vibrant medleys of fall color.
ushering us into cooler days,
in anticipation of a cocoa-infused winter.
and dissecting life.
beginning with my cognitive world.
my goal?
to banish.
from my head, from my life.
