T H E . F A C E . O F . G R I E F

i thought i was ready
but i’m not

to share more about the reality
of having now lost both parents

to start unraveling some of
grief’s sticking points

i thought i was ready
but i’m not

to connect the dots to a new life
without my solid foundation

to begin making sense out of
this overwhelming emptiness

i thought i was ready
but i’m not

not yet focused or coherent enough
to lace the pieces together
forming one cohesive creation

filling in the many spaces and gaps
emerges as my personal therapy
in the coming months

i thought i was ready
but i’m not

heading into autumn with a
surprisingly different mission
than anticipated

the task of disentangling
my grief story
 
 
 
 

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THE ARRIVAL #4 ended last friday, june 21. and it was truly magical.
 
 
magical yes, but certainly NOT perfect. we had a few shall-we-say surprises:

• two days before the retreat began, my computer crashed and i lost ALL of my files!

some of you may have noticed
(though i suspect most did not)
that there were no studio notes last week

i was having lots of fun
with friends visiting from the states
and sometimes that bumps responsibility

i’ve written these posts lovingly, honestly
loyally every-thursday-but-two
since september 2012

i’ve come to the conclusion (in large part
due to the very humbling experience
of moving to a foreign country

and feeling ignorant quite often)
that for perhaps the first time in my life
i have very little to say

it’s perfectly okay though
because sometimes the words simply aren’t there
this is my “no words” season

i want my posts to be valuable
possibly edifying, worth your time
and the flow just isn’t there

so i’ve decided to go to a once-a-month
blogging format for now, for awhile
at least for the summer

until i decide otherwise
always keeping in mind that
it’s good to remain flexible

i graduated with a masters degree in counseling
when my oldest son was just two (he’s 26 now)
i’ve counseled, i’ve coached, i’ve lived

and you know what i’ve discovered?

we all have struggles that keep us up at night,
things that prevent us from dreaming.

maybe you’re good at keeping your
personal battles hidden, as well as
the fear that might accompany them.

sometimes though, the pain festers
until it becomes quite personal.

LULL

verb
1.
calm or send to sleep, typically with soothing sounds or movements
synonyms: soothe, quiet, hush, lullaby

noun
2.
a temporary interval of quiet or lack of activity
synonyms: pause, respite, interval, break, hiatus, suspension, cessation, interlude, intermission, breathing space, moratorium, lacuna
 

 
there’s been a lull
in my life lately
a lack of activity
an absence of motion

a pause, a respite
an interlude
a hiatus, a lacuna
(wait – what’s a lacuna?)

after a mini-panic of
not getting things done
projects not attended to
my daily routine halted

i decided to begin anew
(the exact words from my journal)
on monday, april 1
what could be better?