june 24 (from my facebook post, the unlocking of italy ?? / day 52 ):
yes, i’m still counting the days. first of the strict lockdown (55), and now of what i call the unlocking (already another 52).
those who know me well know i just love to count things (haha).
i’ve been feeling “off” the past few days, weeks . . . well, months really. ever since my dad died last july and a crazy sequence of events in my personal world, coinciding with those worldwide, was set in motion. it was interesting to see, while looking back through my lockdown posts for this next installment to share, that i had been feeling much the same then.
june 8 (from my facebook post, the unlocking of italy ?? / day 36 ):
i’ve been watching events unfold in the u.s. from my vantage point in europe. i’ve felt outraged, saddened, angered, shocked. i’ve also been reading and crying and listening and discussing, trying to comprehend everything that’s going on.
yesterday (3 june 2020) we entered fase 4 of the lockdown easing in italy. travel between the different regions (and also unrestricted travel between italy and other schengen countries) is permitted. not sure if this is officially fase 4 or fase 3/part 2, but i’m going with fase 4 since i think it’s a fairly substantial difference.
looking back again this week . . .
only a couple of months have passed since i wrote the words below, but it already seems a lifetime ago. so much has changed, and in so many ways.
march 16 (from my facebook post, lockdown in italy day 7):
this magnolia in the secret garden has struggled.
on monday, may 18, italy began fase 3 of its coronavirus lockdown. fase 1 was our strict 55-day quarantine, and the two-week fase 2 added take-out food and outside walks (through day 69).
during fase 3, i still cannot travel outside my region (tuscany), but no more autocertificazione (the form stating where you are going and why) is required, and restaurants, bars, and hairdressers are now open.
not exactly sure what to call it
pause, gap, hesitation, hiatus, sigh
but i’ve been at a bit of a standstill
truthfully i have been stumbling along
which means there have been no blog posts
for a long long while
i have, however, been sharing my thoughts on social media
every day since the official lockdown in italy began
today is day 66, day 88 for me personally
since i’d already been quarantined inside
with a bad case of shingles
my emotions have been all over the place
up, down, and everywhere in between
as i’ve lived my own experience
watched and read, been confused by, the news
and witnessed the reactions of others
so i decided to begin sharing
some of my previously-recorded-thoughts
here on my blog over the next few weeks
my small individual glimpse of the pandemic
primarily in italy, but around the world too
and from there, who knows?
i don’t have much of myself to give today
(fighting shingles takes a lot of energy)
so i thought i’d share this page instead
it’s from an old appointment book of my dad’s
found while going through his things last summer
apparently he liked to save quotes, just like me
makes me smile
(and oh, how i loved his handwriting)
*******
Today, as I continue preparing for my fifth retreat at Villa Magnolia in May, I’d like to share something with you. Beautiful words written by my amazing retreat family, the inspiring and courageous women who attended the first four magical sessions of THE ARRIVAL in Italy .
january was
a hard month
spent questioning
myself, my motives
missing what was
what will never be
didn’t wanna
get out of bed
didn’t wanna
take showers
didn’t wanna
leave the house
finally admitting that
counselors get blue too
the calendar pages
flipping into february
my mood staying the same
sorry for myself
and then
rachel died
a bright sunny 13yo
who valiantly fought for two years
smiling, brave and strong,
throughout her cruel cancer
her amazing family
allowing her story to be told
i know that depression
is complicated
and i know many
suffer unendurable pain
but for me, today,
something changed
what-the-hell had i been thinking?
