the month of april brought naysayers.
one of the toughest parts of following a dream.
not everyone is going to understand or agree with the decisions i make.
i know this.
and i still do what i need to anyway.
then why, every once in awhile, does it hit me so hard?
an idea pops into your head,
simmering for awhile.
eventually, continuing to boil,
a dream is hatched.
steaming and bubbling and percolating.
rolling itself into a burning desire.
pull it apart.
dissect it.
pound it.
tear it up.
or simply lay it out.
once upon a time,
in one of my former lives,
i had a front door that was painted red.
a beautiful uplifting red,
cheery and inviting.
and perfect therapy for those long
(very long) winter months.
just a door.
just some paint.
you know what you want to do.
it’s been niggling at the back of your mind for months,
maybe even for years.
perhaps you’ve planned it all out already,
in precise detail.
semi-seclusion
and a fountain of tears.
fear and panic forcing reflexes
of failure and doubt.
about to give up the struggle, the effort.
in a brief weak moment,
on the precipice of surrender.
approaching the brink.
and at the last second,
hanging on to the slippery edge
in a burst of daring determination.
after a long night, lying wide awake,
worrying, tossing and turning,
i was happy to see the sun.*
“behind the pleasure and fresh beauty of sunrise, i detect an old and primitive response: the day has come again, no dark god swallowed it during the night.”
~frances mayes
my days and nights are full to overflowing at the moment.
I’ve been writing weekly blog posts for almost four years, every Thursday without fail, since late September 2012. And I started noticing something interesting in the last several months.
Even though my clients have primarily been women with eating issues (ranging from full-blown eating disorders to yo-yo dieting struggles and everywhere in between on the continuum), the reactions and responses to my blog (and also to my Facebook posts) tend to focus more on my approach to life and my willingness to share my human side, both the triumphs and the trials.
travel inspires me to do more, to be more.
travel ignites my existence.
why travel?
i had a glorious plan of action in place for this week.
real life, however, had a different idea for me.
walking the corridors
talking to my dad’s doctors
waiting for results
the hospital dance
while
watching my work pile up
battling cold/flu symptoms
missing my family
off the beaten track
when life takes you away from .
Losing sight of your true essence by behaving in ways that are not congruent with your authentic self is a very real struggle. It is easy to focus on other things (such as day-to-day responsibilities, minor inconveniences, or even genuine emergencies), and grow more and more out of touch with what makes you unique and special.
