today, the 28th of december, marks 14 months i’ve lived in italy. as 2017 draws to a close. amidst the reflective somewhat-directionless period between the two winter holidays. the past couple of weeks have been slower-paced. time with family. time to think about the past year-plus of my life. to assess, appraise, and evaluate. it’s been enlightening.
there were, of course, the obvious changes. the ones i’ve talked about at length already. a new home, a new town, a new country, a new way of life. there were also farther-flung consequences that i personally set in motion. some that i’d anticipated, some i wasn’t aware of until recently.
and i realized something else. in the midst of all of these major transitions, i’ve actually been kind of numb. what you’d call an absentee automaton perhaps. reacting and responding to things as if operating in suspended slow-motion. somewhat removed. so much careful planning went into this decision to move, but now it feels almost impulsive. like i’m waking up from a year-long dream state and asking myself what exactly happened.
i had a moment (or two) in the past few days of wanting to push back, to run away. to return to my old life, my familiar surroundings. what the hell did i know about the impact all of this would have? and not just on me. i considered all of the ramifications i could think of at the time, but there is no way i could anticipate every one.
the good news is that things don’t feel completely foreign to me anymore. they still feel overwhelming in some ways, however, since i “should” be acclimated and adjusted at this point. friends and acquaintances (both american and italian) are starting to ask me why i still can’t speak the language after an entire year of immersion. i have become much better at understanding it, but i feel an added pressure to perform (which adversely – and severely – limits the slight ability i’ve managed to acquire).
all i can say is i’m trying. i hope everyone remains as patient with me as they have been. it was a very long year that only a handful of people i know can imagine or appreciate. i moved far far away from my sons and my dad and my best friends. i moved abroad, to a country where i knew no one except my husband. i helped him renovate a house . . . very large, very old, and very cold (in temperature and hospitality). i started a brand-new offshoot of my existing business, knowing it would take awhile to ignite. i woke up each day with a new challenge (or six) to face. it’s been incredibly difficult, the hardest thing i’ve ever decided to do. it still is, and it will continue to be.
it’s also been incredibly amazing, filled with unique experiences and wonderful lasting memories. i am so grateful for the new friendships i have formed and for the outpouring of love and generosity that has been showered upon me. i am also very thankful for the opportunity to explore new environments and discover new delights.
in just 4 days, a new year will begin. i will focus on my word, FLUENT, to guide me in the months to come. flowing like a river around (and through) the mountains in my way. dancing and shaking off my worries. generating and circulating energy throughout my being. creating magical moments.
breathing. and becoming whole.
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THE ARRIVAL
TUSCANY, ITALY | MAY 20-25, 2018
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Sounds like you’ve been having an incredible adventure. I think anytime you make a major change in life like that there are ups and downs. Things that come easily and others that are more of a challenge. But it sounds like overall it’s been very positive experience for you. How wonderful.
I love how you wear you heart on your sleeve April, and after 5 years here I’m still not fluent I’ve stopped worrying about it. I have also been absent, when my world goes upside down I withdraw…. your beautiful writing reminds me to reach out again. xx lisa
Give yourself some grace with the language. I’ve been 7 years and still not totally fluent yet. I’m not an auditory learner, so I don’t “just pick it up” as so many tell me is ‘normal,’ as well as having lots of English in my area. Each of us has our own timeline for learning language. Focus, study, and practice – .but give yourself some grace that this is a huge transition to move to another country and the stress of that is no small thing. Language WILL come. Don’t stress trying to keep someone else’s timeline of that.
Learning another language is not easy. Take it easy and give yourself sometime, and I believe you will achieve Fluency. It take lots of courage to move into a new country. It is challenging but very rewarding in the end. Celebrate everyday when you are there, and when you go home, your friends and family will celebrate with you.
After, oh my goodness twenty-two years living in France I’m still not pleased with the standard of my French! I’m probably being like many way too self-critical. The point is, despite not being able to communicate, which would hold most people back, we took a giant leap out of our comfort zones to discover another way of life, which in turn leads to self-discovery. I think your doing amazingly well, eventually the language will kick in, the more understanding your experiencing is the first step.