A friend of mine recently shared: “You can give a kid roots even in a family that moves a lot. We do this by keeping traditions, keeping some routines the same, and taking some important objects with us wherever we go. We are also intentional about keeping up with some relationships, especially family. For us, home is wherever we are all together. It’s the relationships with each other that give us roots.” (Thank you, Lindsey Carter, for these beautiful words.)
The word home has been on my mind a lot lately, as I’ve been preparing – logistically and mentally – for an upcoming monumental-to-me life change.
I grew up in a small mining town, my dad’s hometown as well, where everyone pretty much knew everyone. That same town has been serving as my family’s home-base for the past two years, while we’ve been traveling the world. And it feels like some kind of interesting catch-22 twist that I am sharing the exact geographical location (that gave me roots as a child) with my own two children, who don’t know what it’s like to truly have roots in a particular area.
But being geographically rootless does not mean being without roots at all. My husband and sons are three of the most grounded people I know. Our roots are who we are, our internal foundation; not merely an attachment to our external surroundings, but a necessary element in the formation of our character. Roots help create the individuals we eventually become.
As my kids grew up, their dad and I promoted the idea that home was anywhere we were together. Our rituals and traditions were always with us. They were following us wherever we went, not staying behind in a specific house or city.
A blog post I wrote in September 2012, a couple of months after we’d made the decision to sell our permanent residence and become global nomads, is still relevant today three years later.
we are headed toward not having an actual physical place to call home
and during the process of geographically untethering our lives,
we have discussed/explored what home really means to us
we’ve discovered that home is an emotional place
a feeling that all is well as long as we are together
a place where we support and encourage and love and inspire each other
we’ve liked all the houses we’ve called home through the years
special moments within the walls of each house
will forever be part of our cherished memories
but we know that wherever we find ourselves in our wanderings,
we will be safe.
we will be settled.
we will be home.
I equate feeling at home with seeking wholeness.
My sense of home feels kind of messy at the moment, and I am once again experiencing those never-unfamiliar-but-always-surprising-nonetheless “where do I belong?” feelings. Searching, exploring, trying to discover my place in this wide wide world.
Some days, my home opens its shutters and lets in the light. Other days, the rooms are shadowed, dark, and even a bit torturous. Dreams and hopes mixed in with disappointments and valuable lessons. These ingredients are introduced separately, but together transform and create a new recipe for living (sometimes, perhaps often, in a new environment).
I am currently caught between where I am and where I want to be. But I know that, for now, it’s an okay place to hang out. It’s just me, doing what I do from time to time: rechecking my direction, adjusting and fine-tuning my why, keeping things compelling and new, engaging my soul in this journey called life. I may stumble, but as long as I am kind to myself and allow things to unfold organically, I will be fine. I am receiving clear messages that it is time to begin anew.
Finding your place in this world is not a geographical quest.
Home simply means wholeness. Home is your essence.
What does home mean to you? Is it a place? Or is it a feeling?
When you take the time to look carefully inside, are you comfortable and happy with who you are? Are you home?
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Hi April!
I love this one. We’ve just arrived in Europe for 2 months after moving out of the place we were living in Sydney.
We’re going back, but don’t know where we’ll live yet.
I have thought about this with my little guy as well. When we left our flat for the last time I told him what was happening and we said goodbye to every room. Who knows if that helps! Haha
Despite having a permanent base (for his life so far) we do travel a lot, and one of us is often away as well. This is great, I love the idea of carrying rituals with you.
What are the rituals that make for home, home? I’d love some ideas of how to make him feel and remain settled and grounded.
xx Sam
Hi, Sam ~
So exciting that you’re in Europe for two months! What countries/cities will you be visiting?
I love the goodbye-to-every-room ritual you did with Charlie! How sweet. I think things like that are what our kids WILL remember, and I really believe it can help ease the transition. Bravo, Mama!
Rituals to carry with you can be anything that you’re already used to doing together. For instance, one of ours was having bagels every Saturday morning (not easy to find in every location, but my husband was usually the hero!). Another was a special book (“Animals’ Advent”) that we read during every holiday season no matter where we were – a cozy and familiar part of our celebration. We also discussed/shared interesting news with each other at lunchtime (we homeschooled and this was actually part of our curriculum – we called it “Mid-day Enrichment”). Hope this helps answer your question.
I loved waking up to your interesting and insightful comment this morning. Thank you!
Home to me is family. I am raising my kids in my home town, my family has lived here for the last four generations so this is a special place to us. But I’d love to travel with my immediate family, as long as I have them I could go anywhere.
So nice, Bethany, that you are able to share a part of your heritage with your children. They will carry that with them wherever they go. My great-grandfather came over from Italy and homesteaded a large section of land in the town I’m currently in. (Though my kids are only here temporarily, I guess they are the fifth generation to live here!).
It’s probably the raging introvert in me coming to the fore, but for me, home is about a place where I feel like I have control over when and how I have to interact with the outside world. It’s where I’m on my own “home ground” – I can be myself – and if I want to shut the doors, turn off the phone and simple *be* for however long feels right, I can do that.
It’s not that I don’t ever want anyone else in my home with me, but I want to control when/where. So interestingly, that means I generally feel more at home in a hotel room than I do when I’m staying with friends or relatives (and definitely more at home in a hotel room on my own than when I have houseguests)
It’s just… one of those things, I guess 🙂
i too love to be alone, tanja. and i think we can get a better sense of who we truly are, what we are really made up of, when we spend time in solitude. a very important step to discovering our essence. thanks for visiting!
What a great perspective you have April! I was very attached to the roots of my childhood as a started raising my family, but over time, I’ve discovered exactly what you articulated so well: home is not a location for me. It’s really the company I keep. Being with those I love, no matter where that may be, is my true home. I loved “geographically untethering our lives”! Great post as always!
thank you, april! i so appreciate your insightful comments.
Home is family
home is connection
home is belonging
I loved reading this post – it reminds me that everything and anything is possible – thanks April xx
love your list, maria! 🙂
Wonderful post! I think that home is more than a physical location or a brick and mortar building, but a feeling. The ability to feel grounded, settled. It doesn’t necessarily have to be in a specific place either. It’s like having family members that when you are with them, you feel at home, it’s not being restless, being able to be whole. Thank you for this inspiring entry!
My home is my nest. My home is my refuge. My home is me.