there has been a definite chill in the air
since the calendar page turned to september.
and it’s raining today.
cold. dark. dreary.
as i write, i realize how this weather profoundly affects me.
even though i’m warm and cozy inside, bundled up in fleece,
i feel unmotivated, unproductive.
i am sorry to see the summer end.
i crave sunshine and warm temperatures.
for me, winter means entering a darker time.
literally, figuratively.
i know this about myself.
but, in two and a half weeks, i will be in chile.
the fifteenth country to cross off my list.
i’m headed to the southern hemisphere where it will soon be spring.
a time of renewal.
a clever seasonal reversal trick to delight my senses.
to wake my creativity back up.
and i feel giddy with anticipation.
not only because it’s interesting and inspiring to explore a new place.
but because i’ll be doing what makes me happy.
making choices that suit me.
i opened an email the other day that discussed being weird.
i grew up in a small town where not fitting in was noticed.
i did all of the traditional stuff.
but, despite my best attempts to belong, i was often labeled weird.
i left right after graduation.
went on to college, assorted jobs, marriage, two kids.
i had several failed experiments with conformity.
and then i began wholeheartedly embracing my differences.
thoughts and behaviors that once seemed confusing and unsettling to me.
i even told one of my sons recently that i now consider it a compliment
when someone calls me weird.
current circumstances find me temporarily back in my little home town.
and i suppose my family and i are anomalies here.
we have no permanent residence.
this house is a stop-off point, a home base in between journeys.
i get this itch to move on after three or four months in one place.
we’re not very involved in local activities.
my kids have been homeschooled, the second mostly unschooled.
my older son is attending what i call “uncollege.”
he designs and implements his own curriculum.
piecing together courses with experts in his field as instructors and advisors.
he earns money through computer graphics projects and tap dancing.
in spite of very high SAT scores and an excellent academic record,
he has chosen another path.
my younger son is an avid survivalist hiker and serious landscape photographer.
he is almost always outside, immersing himself in both pursuits.
he is also continuously designing and building – currently radio controlled airplanes.
because he needs ample time to dedicate to his passions,
he has chosen another path.
my husband and i work diligently on our individual entrepreneurial ventures.
we also spend time researching enticing locations around the globe.
and then we dream and devise and plot and plan our future travel.
we’ve each chosen another path as well.
i love my family’s choices.
i love my life.
but truthfully?
sometimes it is difficult.
sometimes it is a lonely highway.
sometimes i grow tired of how we are received.
trying to survive being different in a world of accepted same.
we don’t always do the expected.
and people are frequently unsure how to process that.
family members, friends, acquaintances often do not understand our motives.
or our decisions.
we have no loyalty to sports teams, universities, religion of any kind.
and we have moved and traveled so often that we have no real roots.
however, we have chosen this path.
freedom and flexibility are extremely important to us.
yet we are often misunderstood.
and not usually celebrated.
“do you think he’ll ever go to college?”
“when will you settle down somewhere?”
“is he meeting all of his school requirements?”
“how do you work with clients?”
“where are you from? where are you from?”
no.
hopefully never.
yes.
online.
everywhere. nowhere.
trying to survive being different in a world of accepted same.
once in awhile i feel pangs of jealousy.
curiously, i am not envious of any specific experiences.
but rather of the kudos one gets when following the conventional, preordained path.
on the flip side, i am often met with inquisitive looks and many many questions.
apparently my life, straying out of the norm, can be a quite puzzling affair.
that’s okay though.
there are people close to us who do understand, who do applaud us.
and i don’t need external reassurance anyway.
i revel in my ability to choose my own path.
i am happy.
happy doing my own thing.
happy to be weird.
this is my story.
but we all have one.
ways we have felt dissimilar, different.
how have you taken your personal story,
filled with the choices you have made,
and transformed it into something unique?
how are you happier, stronger, and more purposeful as a result?
There is so much power in this statement, April:
i revel in my ability to choose my own path.
In a sense, I feel this willingness to REVEL in our choices is what so many of us are after…seeking it in so many ways. Thank you for sharing the beautiful way that you – and your family – honor yours.
P.S.
Tell your tap-dancing son he’s pretty amazing – I was a “hoofer” myself for quite some time and tapping brought me some of my happiest memories :).
I applaud you April! I love that you are making your own path, embracing the qualities that make you authentically and organically YOU…I know what it feels like to be misunderstood…perhaps judged…and sometimes questioning if there is something that I’m missing out on by not being the traditional full-time, on-the-go, has to be involved in everything, parent, professional, and person. I know my personal growth has taken off since I’ve stopped fighting who I am! I wish you safe travels and hope you get some sunshine and warmth very soon!
Hi April, this is such a brave and beautiful post. Stepping out of the norm is always a tough choice and one that isn’t always supported by people (anyone? lol). I broke free from my traditional India upbringing and it was both scary and exciting. I wouldn’t change that experience for anything in the world. Life begins, as they say, outside our comfort zone. Love and light to you sister xo
Some people will never understand is a conclusion that I stumbled upon as a young teen. I never decided to be different but I ended up different because the society I was stuck in made me that way. That being put into the weird, the not right category stuck. Figured since I couldn’t beat it I might as well embrace it.
It sounds like you love your life and that is what counts.
Happy to be weird. I love it, and I’m with you! I always find it amazing that when you go home – or to the place where you grew up – that all the feelings of not fitting in come back immediately. And I think, even if you weren’t labeled “weird” everyone has those feelings, and everyone has a story of triumph.
I have walked a different path as well. I sold my house ouch, nearly 4 years ago and have been on the road travelling different countries and different states in Australia since then – and for the 6 years prior to that was travelling between Australia and New Zealand with a now (thanks heavens) ex-defacto partner – mind you I am on my own so it is a bit easier now – my kids are grown up – so staying in different places is a bit easier for 1 than moving a whole family
so good on you all for doing what you want to do – give up worrying about what other things – give yourself the freedom to let them think what ever they like
freedom is a great privilege to take – most people put themselves in their own prisons or boxes and they do not even realise and if they want to get out find it hard, stop themselves even, cos they have too much fear to go outside the norm – and they are free to do what they want to do, just like you are free to do what you want to do
but you and your family are taking your freedom – re-creating yourselves when ever you want – what a great thing to do and be
we all have choice, it is just a matter of what choice we make for ourselves
love deb
xxx
Great and inspiring post, thanks for sharing your story with us! I could relate so much to what you’re saying especially the part of the weather changing. I’m not a fan of the cold and it’s changing here to in DC. You’re brave and I admire you and your family making your own choices. Love and light 🙂
I’m aching to be a bit more weird! I chafe against the conventional life I have built.
I applaud your courage, April. Not just the courage to share your feelings about how your path is sometimes difficult, but your courage to take the path in the first place. It reminds me that I can have a choice, too.
“Happy to be weird, happy doing my own thing”. Love it! Thanks for this. 🙂
Thank you for sharing your story April. It’s very inspiring especially because I’m about to embark on an unconventional journey as well. Travel has that strong pull that we just can’t ignore. Thanks for the strength.
This is a very inspiring post! Happy to be weird. This is something everyone should feel from time to time, but most don’t. You may get a lot of criticism for the choices you have made, or the life you live. But you are choosing your own path, not following what others want, and that to me is very inspiring.
Not many people are able to do that in fear of what others may think or say, but you did it and are doing it now! It may be a hard thing to do, and others may criticize you, but a lot of them are most likely just wishing they could follow their own path the way you are. People try way to hard to fit in, and be like everyone else, its inspiring to see that some people still want to be different or “weird” I think its a great thing!
Keep your chin up, it may not always be fun to be different, but remember you are living your life the way you want to live it. The only person I can speak for is myself, but this post definitely inspired me. To not worry about what others are thinking about me, and to not be “weird” in a world of “normal”.
The beauty of you listening to what is right for you and your family is a lesson to everyone. I love that the internet connects us regardless of where we rest our head. That is a new ‘normal’ for me. XO
I loved reading this April. I too grew up in a small town where weird was obvious and ridiculed. Freedom is everyone’s dream isn’t it? Sounds like you have found it !Congratulations!
beautifully shared April – so wonderful to read xx
I love this post so much. “Trying to survive being different in a world of accepted same.” I can totally relate. It took me a long time to embrace my weirdness and live who I am. I was stuck in the “accepted same,” trying to fit in for a long time. Now I celebrate my weirdness and uniqueness and I love how you do, too. I love the choices you and your family have made. SO awesome.