with my mom (in my early 20s)
our permanent residence has just sold.
and my family and i are about to embark on a take-flight adventure.
closing date = may 30.
destination = freedom.
i’ve been going through boxes and boxes and boxes of personal stuff.
things i’ve dragged with me from one location to another over the years.
saying goodbye to trappings, keeping only the significant.
symbolizing endings as well as a new beginning.
bittersweet moments indeed.
several weeks have been spent reliving crucial events that have shaped who i am.
and which were influenced by who i am as well.
this enforced replay of my life has been a highly emotional experience for me.
yet also a deeply gratifying one.
i’ve cried. i’ve laughed. i’ve remembered.
and i’ve realized that i’ve had a good life.
a very good life.
i’m not endorsing carrying around “crap” (as one box was aptly labeled).
some of these boxes went from seattle all the way to alaska.
and then back again to the west coast!
(i’m a bit embarrassed to admit that.)
but i sincerely wouldn’t trade this introspective excursion for anything.
“this is your life.”
fifty years condensed into one month.
it has been a genuinely meaningful and phenomenal process.
all of the places i’ve lived.
all of the people i’ve met.
births.
deaths.
vacations.
jobs.
celebrations.
tribulations.
sunny times.
dark times.
so anyway . . .
i’ve come across photos.
a lot of photos.
from my childhood. college. wedding. kids. travels.
i’m not a photo album/scrapbook kind of person.
about 12 years ago, i did start storing my photos in boxes.
fairly well organized, labeled by date.
but there were many pictures before that period that were never corralled.
and, as i came across envelopes and stacks and handfuls of these images,
i found myself engaging in an exercise that i’ve assigned to clients in the past.
maybe you’d like to try it too.
select several photos of yourself through the years that speak to you.
pictures that strongly affect you in some way – whether positive or negative.
spread them all out in front of you in chronological order.
and take in the story that unfolds before your eyes.
who is that little girl looking back at you?
what is that young woman trying to say to you?
the idea behind this exercise is integration.
instead of isolating your different selves at different points in your life,
strive for integration of the whole.
recognize and appreciate your unique experiences that have blended together.
to create the individual you are today.
remember to always include that little girl and that young woman.
in the mental picture of “you” that you carry around in your head.
of course, there is more to self-integration than this.
such as integrating mind, body, and soul.
integrating various parts of one’s personality.
keeping the self intact.
i could go on and on.
but this is a perfect place to begin, with those images acquired over the years.
trying to recapture how you were feeling and what you were thinking at those times.
and in what ways that has determined who you are today.
fabulous self-exploration.
leading an integrated life is very important to me.
in fact, i’ve made it part of the essence7 wellness platform.
because i think it is critical to discovering your true essence.
living the best life you can live.
the how and what and why that makes you come alive.
with my oldest son (who is 20 years old himself now).
my natural inclination is to uproot every so often.
and pursue a free-form existence.
that’s what i’ve discovered about myself.
that i am not a “roots” type of person.
i’m restless, always wanting to move on.
(the picture on the turquoise steps? taken right before our relocation to the last frontier!)
[i have so many other photos that i wish i could have shared to help illustrate this idea.
but, alas – they are sitting in a box in my living room waiting to be loaded.
and i am currently in the neighboring state where they will be stored.
we’ve been going back and forth, back and forth, during this transition.]
i invite you to try my exercise.
how have your images coalesced to form your unique approach to being in this world?
what is your destination?
integrate the pieces of your life into one beautiful whole.
tell your story.
please share your discoveries in the comments.
April, I can’t believe you really had a box labeled “crap.” That is hilarious!
Love the idea of intentionally taking in your own story. Pinning so that I will hopefully get around to doing this one day.
i know, sheryl – awful. but, here and there, i’d find long-lost treasures (like a book i wrote and illustrated when i was 7yo), that made the whole process worth it. π glad you’re pinning the idea – would love to hear what you think if you try it.
Hi April,
Thanks for sharing! It is healthy to try and get rid of all the un-necessary ‘stuff’
I a with you – I am not a ‘roots’ kind a gal!
yes, i thought you would identify with the “no roots” idea, sonya! π
moves are always about big endings and new beginnings… bittersweet to say the least. The move before last I actually got up one day, packed a few boxes, my clothes and walked out of my life – completely. I left everything behind, a 15 yr relationship, my family, friends, a spiritual community I built and move to Egypt and started completely over. That means I left all my -stuff- … never thought I’d be able to do that, but when you realize that you have to go because you love yourself too much to stay, nothing else matters, not even photos. Luckily I have photos stored online and have brothers and sisters that have them too. I do like to look at back time periods and ‘be that person again,’ but I thank my lucky stars, I am the person I am now, without dragging a lifetime of stuff around! I am free to move about the cabin, so to speak π Great post!
wow. what a life-changing transition you experienced, cindy! thank you so much for sharing your story. and i am especially appreciative of this meaningful message: “because you love yourself too much to stay.” take care.
As an Army brat and a former Army officer I have moved a lot. Maybe that is what we need to do now, just move.
oftentimes career military personnel want to settle down, be stationary, after so many relocations. but i talked to a woman recently who grew up as you did and is now married to someone in the military. she said she grows restless quickly and is always ready for the next move. good luck to you, fred, in your ventures!
Love the exercise idea! Journaling can be such a powerful activity, but doing a photo journal and then weaving the story together is an added dimension. I now know that I’m going to do this afternoon with my cup of tea. Thank you!
i would love to hear how your afternoon with tea and photos went, pam! journaling is a passion of mine and, when i’ve added the pictures, there is definitely that extra element. thank you for your insight.
Love this idea and will do it! It’s also interesting how we can tell different stories or versions of stories while looking at the same set of photos. I’ve always been fascinated by that!
yes, that is a curiosity. kind of along the lines of siblings having completely different experiences growing up in the same household. let me know if you try the exercise, jess – i would love to hear what the process was like for you.
I love the thought of integrating ourselves more fully through doing this exercise. I’m a “rootless” kind of person myself so where I currently am I don’t have any photos. Yet even as you say this there are photos of me that come to mind that have had an impact on me and even as I look at them in my memory I see behind the photo to what the little girl and teenager were saying. It’s a beautiful thought to think that I’ve taken what they’ve said and integrated into my life now in a way that soothes the fears behind the photo.
what a beautiful and thoughtful comment, tabitha. thank you so much for sharing your insight – i’m pleased that you were able to utilize my exercise in such a meaningful way.
Yup, April, I do this often, but thank you for the reminder!
It is not only healing, but it brings back the sanity, the relaxation, the “oh, here I am” feeling.
Thanks again,
Llyane
that is so great that you already do this exercise, llyane! i love how you described the benefits it’s given you. thank you for sharing.
I love this! Totally going to have to try this. Pictures are SO powerful. I bet this is a great way for people to reconnect with their core self – but also their lost dreams too.
i can’t wait to hear about your experience with this, angie! yes, lost dreams too – thank you for that observation.