i’ve been feeling kind of off lately. same ol’ same ol’ in many ways, yet the sensation always seems fresh and raw.
physically, due to my most recent samter’s flare-up. after nine weeks of clear sinuses following a round of prednisone and iodine rinses, it’s disappointing to return to the land of the mouth-breathers.
mentally, due to the chaos in my brain that comes with living in a disrupted and only-halfway-organized space. also from knowing there’s really no cure for my sinus condition, just band-aid solutions along the way.
emotionally, due to the turmoil over a major decision i’m having to make.
as i reflect on my word of the year almost halfway through 2022, i wonder if my life will ever feel UNTANGLED again. still so many things i need to sort through, and i’ve been experiencing a combination of anxiety, apprehension, and angst (with some “what-am-i-doing?” doubts thrown in as well).
then i heard the song i lived by onerepublic. it has always been a favorite of mine, but this time it really spoke to me.
hope when you take that jump
you don’t fear the fall
hope when the water rises
you built a wall
hope when the crowd screams out
it’s screaming your name
hope if everybody runs
you choose to stay
hope that you fall in love
and it hurts so bad
the only way you can know
is give it all you have
and i hope that you don’t suffer
but take the pain
hope when the moment comes, you’ll say
i, i did it all
i, i did it all
i owned every second that this world could give
i saw so many places
the things that i did
yeah, with every broken bone
i swear i lived
hope that you spend your days
but they all add up
and when that sun goes down
hope you raise your cup
oh, oh
i wish that i could witness
all your joy
and all your pain
but until my moment comes, i’ll say
i, i did it all
i, i did it all
i owned every second that this world could give
i saw so many places
the things that i did
yeah, with every broken bone
i swear i lived
i haven’t done it all. but i’ve done a lot. and my experiences have been exciting, fun, scary, growth-inspiring, cool, melancholy, breathtaking, crazy, and most certainly amazing.
i owned every second that this world could give. i saw so many places, the things that i did.
these words give me hope. because confusion and commotion while navigating your days go hand-in-hand with living life to its fullest. doing it all doesn’t mean having a perfect life.
yes, i’ve done it. i swear i’ve truly lived.
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