not the me-i-want-to-be

“anger is pain’s bodyguard”
(david kessler)
 
 

 
 
i didn’t start 2022 out very well
though january 1 did begin with a bang
it was because of something
i’m not proud of

i lashed out
on the very first day
of the brand new year
and i hurt other people

i attempted to
apologize, to
make it better

and they were
gracious, kind, immediate
in their forgiveness

but i was wrong
and still feel badly
about my outburst

i do believe my anger
came from a unique place
of pain and grief

i’d been mourning my mom and dad
that brisk winter morning
contemplating on the dawn
of yet another year without them

but my in-the-moment reaction
was the worst way
to turn a fresh new page

you may not know this
but i’ve struggled with
anger in the past

after a long period
of inner work
i thought i was finally
past those heated responses

choosing not to be
that easily-enraged person
anymore

and just like that
i blew it
finding myself losing
my temper once again

i wish i could say
i’d evolved a bit more
but i’m not going
to beat myself up

i did it, it’s over
and i made the best amends
i possibly could

i just sincerely hope they know
how truly sorry i am
and how that honestly
was not the me-i-want-to-be

to anyone who has ever been
on the other side of my rage
please accept my apology
 
 
 
 

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