it’s been cutting me
to the core.
something i can’t quite make
sense of intellectually,
yet still causing me to grieve.
deeply, emotionally.
recently stronger fuel has been added
to this fire of angst and betrayal.
and i’ve cried.
oh, how i’ve cried.
i feel confused, bewildered,
saddened, and angered.
although i’m not certain
how to feel really.
at this point, it’s just
one big ball of raw emotion.
not neat-and-tidy, not easily
delineated, not at all clear.
murky and messy and making
my breath catch in my throat.
feeling fragile.
when i am able to look
at the situation philosophically,
i know it’s truly
an external problem.
actually little to do with me,
emanating from elsewhere.
and yet i’ve been unwillingly
drawn into the drama.
not my concern, but forced
to become a participant.
not internal, but pushing
perennial personal buttons.
feeling fragile.
*******
listen as i read my words to you . . .
*******
where do you tuck away
your unresolved-for-now pain?
do you have a reserved soul-slot
where it resides and waits?
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It probably mostly weighs on my heart. I hold things in until I bust. I need to learn to use my voice.