this life

sometimes i tell you what to do.

sometimes i tell you to HOPE. and sometimes i tell you to ACT.

and sometimes i shake my head, thinking these two ideas might just be at odds with one another.

i know we cannot sit idly by and hope for the best. action is necessary in order to make things happen. but i do believe we have to begin with hope. if hope is extinguished, there is no energy. there is no incentive, no motivation to act.

we must believe that there is goodness. we must believe that things can get better. only then can we act.

so what am i really trying to say? i don’t know. i’m not sure. maybe i’m just confused, and confusing us all.

or maybe what we should do – certainly before acting, maybe even before hoping – is simply to THINK.

i echo the sentiments of many. it is a troubled world out there, and people are constantly being asked to pick sides. but then if one doesn’t fully align with a particular side (if one has any original thought left), that individual is likely to be dismissed completely. so much vitriol in what are called opinions these days.

i must apologize. my words today are convoluted, awkward, tentative ramblings. not smooth, not competent, maybe not even coherent. there is so much going on, in my life and in the world, that i can only try to figure it out for myself. see how it all connects for me.

i’ve changed a great deal in the past year and a half, but not necessarily in the ways i’d been expecting. and in many ways i haven’t yet been able to fully grasp. certainly not in ways i can explain to others. in fact, i’ve tried (and failed) to do just that several times. and i’m no closer to a description that fits.

i’ve experienced an emotional detox, an inner cleansing of sorts. filtering through what i need and don’t need in my new life in italy. exploring new ideas, sketching out the gritty bare details. finding innovative ways to approach fresh priorities. moving forward.

total clarity hasn’t yet arrived. sometimes i feel as if i’m only able to scratch the surface. sometimes i feel as if part of my real self is hidden (from others, from myself).

and sometimes life is hard and i’m not at my happiest. but feeling down, feeling depressed, even finding it hard to jump out of bed on certain days is part of the natural ebb and flow of life. i’m baffled and bewildered at times by what life is throwing at me. nevertheless, i know in my heart-and-soul that i’m a happy person. an upbeat person, a hopeful person.

i’m also a person who doesn’t like to be squished or silenced. i’ve always been a fighter, but i have no desire to incite division. it doesn’t work, and at this stage of my life it exhausts me. i am very vocal, even confrontational, but those qualities just get in the way at times. they don’t further a cause, they hinder true relationship-building.

we don’t need to hide our flaws, put on a happy face, or numb ourselves. we just need to be.

we need to navigate life’s hills and valleys with open eyes and open hearts. we need to realize what we do not want, while continually searching for what we do.

we need to experience what life is handing us, even when it’s messy, sad, unexpected, or unfortunately tragic. we need to attempt to explore the lessons, the truths within.

that doesn’t mean we have to always like it. we can shout out at the unfairness, the unjustness of it all. we can pound our fists and scream “WHY?” when there is no acceptable answer in sight.

sometimes all we can do, however, is acknowledge that what has happened has happened. and unscramble the best way to get up each and every morning to come.

because we’re still here, trying to unravel and untangle this life. to enjoy and learn from each day, each mistake, as best we can. as only we can.

*******

Only ONE month left!

Only room for ONE more!

Will it be YOU?

THE ARRIVAL

TUSCANY, ITALY | MAY 20-25, 2018

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